Stages
by AsianVoodoo
Summary: How did this happen?
1. Reason

_How did this happen?_

He didn't know, all he knew was that it did.

One minute, they were yelling -- arguing with one another -- just like always. The next, they were on one another -- kissing and falling over one another. They were lucky the training room had been empty, or else they would've been seen. Though, even with that in mind -- they probably would've done it anyway.

Then somehow, they broke apart and he found himself being dragged down the large hallways by his strong, calloused hands.

He remembered just letting himself get pulled, just staring at him as he veered them along. Watching his flustered and aggravated expression.

Then the door to one of their rooms was slammed open and he was shoved in. He stumbled and heard the door slam shut before turning to say something.

Yet as soon as he opened his mouth, the other's was crushed against his in a breath-taking kiss. He moaned against that kiss and clutched at the other's shirt for stability.

He was shoved roughly against the wall and he winced at the pain shooting up his spine until the lips were once more crushed to his. Moaning again, he wrapped his legs around the other's waist clinging tightly and pressing his back harder against the wall so he wouldn't fall.

His arms wrapped around the other's neck and their soul-shattering kiss broke. He whined and tried to re-initiate it, but the other was preoccupied with his neck. He nipped at his neck and kissed it, initiating soft, whimpering moans.

"Ka... Kanda..." He managed to get out, wincing as the older teen's cold gaze focused right on him. He wondered if it was smart to call out his name.

Kanda leaned forward and kissed him roughly, pulling away and nipping at his ear. "What is it.., _Moyashi_?" He whispered.

Allen shivered and completely forgot what he had planned on saying and just shook his head and tried to recapture Kanda's lips.

Kanda just did one of his infamous "_che_" responses and went back to abusing the white-haired exorcist's neck.

Allen let out another whiny moan and balled up into fists against Kanda's bare back. He never wore a shirt while training...

Those strong hands wandered down and began pulling off Allen's shirt, wrenching it down the small shoulders and letting it fall carelessly onto the floor.

Kanda pulled the smaller exorcist away from the wall, wrapping his arms around him to make sure he didn't fall. He then carelessly let Allen drop onto the bed.

The white-haired exorcist bounced slightly as he hit the bed and he blinked, confused, and looked up at the raven-haired exorcist. "K-Kanda..?"

Kanda didn't reply, he just kneel on the bed on top of Allen, leaning forward and crushing their lips together once more. Allen moaned against the kiss, giving Kanda the proper leverage to slip his tongue into the other's mouth.

Another soft moan was lost in the kiss as Allen arched up against Kanda, wrapping his arms tightly around the older one and yanking the tie that kept that perfect hair the way it was.

_He didn't understand why this was happening -- but he didn't dare question it._

When he woke up, all he knew was one thing.

_He. Was. Sore. As. Fuck._

Of course, that was probably the reason he was sore. _Fuck._

He whimpered when he tried to shift and make himself more comfortable -- realizing no matter what position he was lying in, he wasn't going to get comfortable. No matter how hard he tried.

He felt arms tighten around him and he looked up at Kanda. Fast asleep and, for the first time Allen had ever seen, peaceful looking.

Of course, that was until Allen tried to flex his legs and cried out in pain, causing the raven-haired exorcist to wake up and yell at him for making noise.

Then, the daily routine of screaming at one another began anew.

_He didn't know how or why it happened._

_He just knew that it did._

_And it really didn't change __**a damn **__thing ._

**A.N. : Erm, well.  
I haven't written a Yullen yet. SADNESS.  
So I thought I'd try. ._.;;  
It WAS going to be lemon, I swear. But I ended up not wanting to write a lemon. Maybe I'll write a lemon version later..? If people want me to?**

Uh, what else...  
I don't think I did a very nice job.  
Which is probably why I've never done a Yullen before... ;sweatdrop;  
So yeah, maybe I'll write another one, maybe not.


	2. Idea

_How did they end up like this?_

He didn't know, all he knew was that they did.

And to be honest, past that -- _he didn't give a flying fuck_.

One moment they would be -- as always -- yelling and screaming at one another, and the only thoughts that crossed his mind was how hard he wanted to bash the crap out of the prissy bitch's face. The next moment they would be all over one another and the only thought he had that came close to coherency was how hard he was going to fuck the priss into whatever hard, solid surface was closest.

How many times had this happened so far? He didn't know -- and again _he didn't care_.

This moment happened to be one of those moments when he woke up to see the _too_ peaceful face of the other and immediately went to work violently _shoving_ him off the bed with a loud THUD against the cold floor.

Right after that, the head of white hair popped back up into view as the younger exorcist sat up dazed and confused, registration slowly dawning on the infantile features. What wasn't slow was the stream of insults that left his mouth after that.

What was ever faster was the stream of retorts that were returned.

In anger, the smaller boy reached up, grabbed a handful of the swordsman's hair and _yanked_. Hard. A mouthful of curses left the older male's mouth and the force drove him right off the bed, on top of the other.

More insults were bouted at one another without either noticing their now compromising position of the smaller one pinned down by the elder straddling him.

And then as if the switches clicked in their heads they were clashing again -- with their lips. Nothing near gentle as they fought one another for dominance.

The snowy-haired boy quickly reached up to wrap his arms around the raven-haired male's neck possessively as he crushed deeper into the lip-bruising kiss.

When the elder male pulled away a whine escaped the younger's swollen lips. "Ka-Kanda..."

The swordsman ignored the call of his name and focused his attention into assaulting the small exorcist's neck gracelessly, adding to the bruising and biting from the night prior.

Moans escaped Allen's mouth and anything he wanted to say quickly melted into the back of his mind replaced with deep concentration on how to maintain basic body functions.

"You sound like a fucking _whore_, Moyashi." Kanda hissed in his ear before the bruising kisses and bites travelled to the snowy-haired boy's collar bone.

"Y-You _ah_, jerk!" Allen managed to get out, trying to sound as offended as possible -- which proved extremely taxing as he could barely even breathe properly at the moment.

"_Che_." Was the response that made the silver eyes roll. _Attractive as always_. Was the bitter thought in retort.

The thought was another in the line of those forgotten the second those lips went back to work torturing his skin. The small exorcist's moans grew louder as the swordsman teased his nipple with teeth, tongue, and lips.

The snowy-haired boy brought a hand over his mouth in attempt to drown out the embarrassing noises he unwillingly allowed to escape. With this action the only thing he succeeded in was biting down on his unsuspecting fingers when the raven-haired male's hand moved down to grasp the boy's _very_ needy arousal. He yelped at both the sudden pain in his hand as well as the pleasure that was being created in the nether regions of his body.

"Che, _baka_, what the fuck did you do that for?" Kanda chuckled, taking Allen's wounded hand with his own free hand and licking at the slowly fading pain.

"Shut up, BaKa-_aahh_-nda!" Allen hissed, a moaned escaped his lips when the swordsman squeezed his grip on the other's erection, making hips buck up into his hand unconsciously.

Of course -- even during sex could they manage to _continue_ having their unnecessary arguments.

Kanda lowered his lips to Allen's, biting on his lower lip and then pushing his tongue into the other's mouth for yet another fight of dominancy.

Everything about what they did screamed that fight for dominancy. Everything had to be better than the other. You scream loud? I'll scream louder. You hit hard? I'll hit harder. You wanna fuck? I'll fuck better. Every little thing for the speed of their walking to who killed what faster was a constant battle of raging male hormones trying to prove who was really on top.

The only thing they seemed to always agree on was who was fucking who -- and even then there had to be at least some battle for it, even a futile one. If not, then what the fuck was the point?

And as the futile battle was nearing completion, Kanda pulled at Allen's legs, locking them over his shoulders. Leaning down and giving one more rough demanding kiss to permanently bruised lips, he thrust himself into the other's barely-prepared form. {Kanda didn't acknowledge that there was a _possibility_ it would still hurt even from the actions during the night -- because, honestly, do you really think he thought about it first?}

_How did it end up like this?_

He had no idea. Nor did he want to think about it.

He just knew that it was and that was just fuckin' _fine_ by him.

So as he sat up in the bed, looking down at the snowy-haired boy who looked _too _peaceful cuddled up next to him with thin arms around his waist, he sighed.

Then silver eyes fluttered open and winced as Allen stretched painfully and muttered something quite rude and uncharacteristic under his breath.

"What was that, _Moyashi_?" Kanda hissed demandingly when he caught a glimmer of the spoken words.

The infantile features formed into an innocent smile. "I said, you're an unnecessarily violent bastard. I'm not going to be able to walk for weeks because you can't fucking _control yourself_."

A twitch of the eyebrow and immediately came renewed vigor to punch the priss. "I didn't hear you giving any sort of complaint." He retorted with a smirk.

A flustered blush. "W-Well.. Who would be able to?!" Allen hissed. "When you're.." His eyes shifted their gaze and focused on the blankets surrounding his thin hips.

"Che." Came the default response.

"Would you stop that?!" A glare was sent up at his with slightly puffed up cheeks like when kittens tried to ruffle their fur and be menacing.

"... _Che_." An ignorant smirk.

"Che, che, che, _CHE_! Come up with something _new_ every now and then _BAKA_nda!!" Allen turned his body in a huff, not looking at the elder exorcist who only stared at the back of the younger, studying the way the smooth pale skin formed into a rough black on his small shoulder. The way the black marred perfect skin and darkened the small form. The way it contrasted with the soft unnatural snowy white of his ruffled hair.

The way every part of the boy made the elder want to reach out and touch him. Just _touch_ him, the soft skin, then the black. Wanted to run hands through his hair and then along the scar of his eye. Just wanted to _touch_ him.

And in the back of his mind came once more the nagging thought and question he very-well remembered trying to banish the answer to. The question that he very gruffly answered in his head a few minutes ago.

_How did it end up like this?_

He knew very-fucking-well how. And he was very much thinking about it.

And most of all he knew that it was and it wasn't fuckin' _fine_ by him.

_But somehow he couldn't bring himself to end it._

**A.N. : I don't know why I added a sequel.**

**I didn't intend to.**

**I don't know how well I do at Kanda. I don't like it much.**

**I do like this in general, though.**

**When it describes the black of Allen's skin it's talking about his Innocence -- this is obviously {or not obviously -- sorry for semi-spoilers?} after he loses it and then regains it as version Crowned Clown.**


	3. Answer

_How did it get to this point?_

They didn't quite know.

_How did this happen?_

They didn't know the answer to that either.

_Why was it still happening?_

That was the only answer they knew -- yet it was the only answer neither would admit to answering. Their pride as exorcists -- as _men_, would not allow the admittance of the reason their acts had continued. They had reached the point of addiction. The point in which they sought one another out almost every night, crashing bodies and words against one another in both hatred and -- no, they were adamant about the fact that it was, and would always be, _just_ hatred.

_Though both knew that was hardly the truth._

Yet maybe that is why they had let it continue. They wanted to prove the truth wrong, they wanted to spit in the face of what was right and embrace what was wrong sincerely hoping that it was right.

_Though they both knew that they were just proving the truth right._

The moment they had been placed in at this particular time was another one of those moments they tried at their futile attempt to twist fate. A moment they had become very familiar with as it was the end to many of their days. They would spot one another as they trudged back to their rooms and it would be all they could to _not_ to immediately jump one another right then and there -- be it either verbally abusive or physically engaging.

Their greeting to one another would be a cold glare and maybe a quiet scoff as one of them would change their direction to follow the other, acting as if it was almost coincidence. Of course, the second they were hidden in the confines of a bedroom, they were not so casual.

They would crash together in a mess of lips and tongues and teeth in violent, bruising kisses -- if you could call them that. Shortly after there would be wandering, groping hands added to the mix. The ripping of innocent fabric seemed louder than gunshots as they quickly discarded their clothes and stumbled over one another to the bed.

The younger one reached up and, in a motion that could be compared to _ripping_, pulled out the elder's hair-tie, causing unpleasant curses to leave the latter's lips. "Are you trying to rip my fucking _hair_ out, _Moyashi_?" The swordsman hissed venomously, almost about to go on the urge to yank on the exorcist's hair in turn to show him how it felt.

"It wasn't even that bad." The snow-haired one replied, pulling the raven-haired one down -- by the hair -- into another rough kiss

The swordsman pulled away, earning a small whine and an attempt at reinitiation from the other. He wordlessly ignored it and began a ruthless assault on his "partner's" collarbone. A quiet moan escaped the younger's bruised lips and the first thing that the elder thought was how much of a _whore_ he sounded like. Easy to say, the thought was quickly discarded the second the feel of the snow-haired exorcist's body being pressed up against his entered the moment. The feel of their needy arousals moving against one another flushed out any coherent thought either minds may have possessed in that time.

"Ka-_ah_-anda..." The smaller one gasped as the swordsman reached between them, brushing fingers against the tip of the other's member in a way that could only be described as... it just -- it _couldn't_ be described. Allen brought a hand up to cover his flushed cheeks and moaned again as he was teased -- _slowly_ and _torturously_. "Hurry the - _ah_ - the fuck up." He hissed, hips moving up against the raven-haired man's hand.

"You're acting like a _whore_." Kanda replied, tightening his grip only slightly on the younger's arousal in a way that made him moan louder.

"You - _ah_ tell me tha-_ah_-at every da-_ah_-ay, BaK-_ah_-nda!" The snow-haired attempted a glare at the other, which only lasted a few seconds before another moan ripped through his concentration. Frustrated, he put his hand over his mouth in an attempt to silence himself of those _embarrassing_ noises.

"Che, you do that every time, _baka Moyashi_." The swordsman replied with a scoff. "You only end up biting yourself." He sped up his teasing into a steady pumping -- and, almost as if one cue, the younger couldn't help but let a moan escape.. and in an attempt to stop the noise, bit down on one of his innocent fingers. Kanda simply scowled at Allen's stupidity and grabbed his hand, pressing his lips to the offended finger in one of the only gentle actions he would ever display.

"Shut up, _BaKanda_." The younger one sniffed, pulling his hand from the elder's mouth and using it to pull him down into a violent kiss. He could feel the swordsman's tongue run along his lips in an act to gain entrance and almost immediately allowed it. He moaned against the kiss as his mouth was explored by the other's tongue.

The kiss had quickly turned into a fight for dominance -- something that ruled their lives. And with that dominance, came a rush of pride. Pride that would not allow anything past other than pure, unrivaled hatred for one another. Everything they did was based on that hatred; everything they said was based on that hatred. That hatred was everything to them, and nothing else was allowed. If any other useless emotion tried its way in, it was immediately discarded -- forgotten. They would not think of anything but hatred, hatred, _hatred_. No matter what was right and wrong, nothing else.

_Even if they knew something else was there._

Allen tangled his thin fingers in the soft tresses of Kanda's raven hair, no doubt knotting it -- but neither cared at the moment. They pressed their bodies closer in an attempt to be _closer_, as close as possible. As they did this, the smaller one, in a sudden burst of dominance, heaved them over so he was straddling the elder one.

This got a glare out of the swordsman, who was about to return them to their prior position when the other moved his hips against the raven-haired in _just_ the right way -- making all thoughts of everything go out the window. Soft kiss-bruised lips pressed against the elder's demandingly, and fingers stayed tangled in his hair.

When Allen pulled back for air, eyes closed in an attempt to focus completely on regaining knowledge on the proper way to breath, finger's traced along his slightly parted lips as if asking for permission. The snow-haired's eyes opened slowly and studied the other's expression, almost blank except for the subtle hint of firing lust in his eyes. A small smile crossed the younger's lips as he parted hips lips wider to suck gently on the fingers.

_How did it get to this point?_

They weren't completely sure.

_How did this happen?_

They had the slightest hints of an idea.

_Why was it still happening?_

They _swore_ they didn't know.

The snow-haired's eyes opened and focused almost immediately on the warm body he was laying against. He stretched a bit, careful not to make to many movements that may wake the raven-haired up in fear of the verbal abuse that would come from it. He stretched his arms, letting them lay lazily across the other's shoulders, one on each side. He watched the rarely-seen peaceful look that was present on the swordsman's face; a small smile crossed his own lips.

A soft sigh left Allen's lips and he shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable. A matching sigh emanated from Kanda as one blue eye opened, half-glaring at the white-haired. "Stop fucking moving, _Moyashi_." He hissed quietly, no doubt too tired to yell at the younger properly.

A grimace appeared across infantile features. "It's hard to get comfortable when _you_ don't know how to be gentle with _anything_, Ba_Kanda_." The younger scolded.

Kanda's grimace matched the other's as he effortlessly tossed Allen off the bed. "Then get off of me." He snapped, rolling over so his back was facing the white-haired, pulling a blanket over himself.

A yelp escaped the younger's lips as he landed on his sore rear. He scrambled back onto the bed and climbed back on top of the swordsman -- who grunted and attempted to push him off again. "You're warm, stop pushing." The white-haired grumbled, clinging to the other.

"You're such a goddamned _woman_." Kanda hissed, shoving Allen off {but this time, not off of the bed} and turning back on his side, facing away from the other.

"You're such a goddamned _prick_." Allen retorted, turning onto his side so they were back to back.

_How did it get to this point?_

They couldn't completely say.

_How did this happen?_

They knew exactly how.

_Why was it still happening?_

They knew exactly why, but neither would admit it to anyone -- not even themselves. They had far too much pride as exorcists -- as _men_ -- and they would be damned if they let anything other than pure, unrivaled hatred for one another through.

_Even though they already had._

**A.N. : ****The third one, and most definitely my least favourite because it was violently forced from my head after a long while of interal battling.**

I didn't know whether or not I wanted to write a third part, but I ended up figuring out I did. I knew what I wanted to happen -- but I didn't know how to write it.

Which is why it took so long, and it isn't the greatest. I think, so far, my favourite is most definitely the second one, Idea. I don't know if I'll write another one -- and if I do, hopefully, it will be better than this.

Oh well, I need to get better at this whole Yullen hatesex thing.


	4. Realization

"I'm done."

_Why?_

Infantile features stare at the elder male for a long moment. Blinking occasionally, but otherwise still. It took him a moment to realize what the swordsman had been referring to, and when realization took him - his expression wavered but otherwise remained calm. "Why?"

_Why did it matter?_

He couldn't answer that question. He just continued to watch the other carefully as the raven-haired pulled his hair back into the proper fashion, as always. A sigh escaped the elder's pale lips before he replied as bluntly as possible. "Because I'm bored."

_Why did it hurt?_

A twitch tugged the snow-haired's expression from blank to irritated. Generally speaking, in this situation, one would assume that some underlying emotion would be anger at himself. Yet at the moment, the younger could feel none of that - so he assumed it did not exist. This anger was aimed toward the swordsman who was so casually getting himself ready for the day. "Sorry I'm _boring_, _BaKa_nda." He hissed bitterly.

"Che." That simple scoff was all he received before the raven-haired exited the younger's room at four in the morning with such an air that he slammed the door behind him.

Allen wondered how Kanda closed the door q_uietly_ and still managed to make it slam.

_Why did he feel afraid?_

Just like that, their nameless situation ceased. The late night moments halted completely, and not even a thought passed between either of them of reinitiating them. The lust for one another was gone from their eyes, the heated glances disappeared.

Yet, things did not become normal. No, it wouldn't - it couldn't be so simple for things just end just like that. Their lust for one another did not just..._ vanish_.

_"A body of matter cannot disappear completely. It only changes its form, condition, composition, color and other properties and turns into a different complex or elementary matter."_ _Nasīr al-Dīn al-Tūsī_

As stated in the laws of the conservations of mass, mass could not be destroyed. It rearranged itself in space, changing into different particles.

The emotionless physical urges they had harbored for one another turned into a more powered and familiar feeling that had always been there and would, no doubt, always exist between them.

Their tension and hatred toward one another grew. Powered by the loss of any other form of release, they tore into one another worse than any other time before. They argued more frequently, screamed and yelled louder - so loud other members of the Order worried for the safety of their ability to hear... And the vocal safety of the two raging exorcists.

After a small amount of time passed, insulting one another was no longer sufficient. They needed more, more anger and hatred. Physical anger. Taking their anger for one another out on Akuma was not sufficient. They had to take it directly to the source.

Countless times did others have to put themselves in between the two exorcists and forcibly shove them apart. Causing injury not only to Kanda and Allen, but to everyone involved. Most notably, Lavi - who frequently sported numerous bruises and a reoccurring split lip that seemed to enjoy its place on his face quite a bit.

Orders had been sent to everyone in the Order to keep the two exorcists away from one another at all times. The few times they did come to contact - they earned themselves long-winded lectures from the normally patient [patient with the disagreements between the two, not normally in any other situation] Komui, and occasionally from his worried and thoroughly upset sister, Lenalee.

Not even the two exorcists had figured out why it was they had become like this - and it was wearing down on the nerves of quite a few.

_Why was this happening?_

That is what the red-haired exorcist was determined to find out, one war or the other. He sat himself in front of the snow-haired exorcist as the boy unceremoniously shoved everything he could get his small hands on into that large vacuum he called a mouth.

The apprentice Bookman had expected to get no attention while the younger was in the midst of eating, so he sat quietly. An intensely frustrated emerald eye was focused on the other, waiting.

After four plates clattered down at the top of a large empty stack of food-devoid others, Allen became unnerved by the awkward feeling of Lavi's stare. Without a word, he placed the sustenance he had just grabbed [he had not even taken the time to examine what it was] back down on the plate from whence it came. He returned the stare the red-haired was giving him, though it was not with the same emotion. His was a nervous and unsure stare - as if he did not know what earned him the pleasure of this encounter. "Did you want something, Lavi?"

"I want a lot of things." The elder started, uncharacteristically serious. Yet in this situation, he felt it was necessary. "Let's start with the most important."

Large steel coloured eyes blinked innocently at him, and Allen said nothing. For a moment they sat once more in silence until Lavi realized Allen was waiting for him to continue.

"What's up with you and Yuu?" The red-haired asked, though the question was laced with a subtle demanding tone that made it sound as if what he was asking was not a question.

The reply he got was more innocent blinking, this time with a hint of confusion and a sprinkle of wavering composure.

"I can't read your mind Allen." Lavi stated with a sigh, resting his chin on the palm of his hand.

"Nothing is..." Allen paused for a moment. "_Up_." There was a slight uncomfortable feeling in the pit of the snow-haired's stomach that made him squirm ever-so-slightly. He did not like the road this conversation was seeming to go down.

"You two are tearing into each other like rabid Akuma." The elder exorcist pointed out.

"I thought we were always like that." The younger said simply.

"You didn't always do this." Lavi pointed to the small healing wound located on his bottom lip. "If something happened between the two of you, would you care to explain? I'd like to know why the two of you will be the death of me." With this, a slightly more in-character pout painted itself on the apprentice Bookman's features.

The parasite exorcist's features twitched slightly and he smiled as calmly and reassuringly as possible. "Nothing happened, Lavi." He stated. "I would tell you if something had." With that he stood, food unfinished, and left the red-haired exorcist where he sat.

"No you wouldn't." Lavi muttered under his breath as he stare blankly at the stack of unfinished plates that Allen had left behind.

_Why?_

The snow-haired exorcist made his way quietly down the halls of the Order, steel gaze leading toward the ceiling, but focused on nothing. A sigh escaped his lips and he unconsciously clenched his hands to fists. An inner frustration with himself he didn't think existed was bubbling out.

_Why did it matter?_

He didn't know. He didn't want to know. He would have been happy if it had all just completely ended. If everything had gone back to normal. He had deluded himself into believing it had.

_Why did it hurt?_

"Oi, Moyashi." He heard the familiarly rude and irritated voice and sped up his pace. Not only was he not in the proper mentality to get into an argument - he was not in the proper mood to be able to sit through the lecture from one of the Lee siblings that would no doubt be the consequence of an argument.

"_Moyashi_." Kanda called again, even more demanding this time, his voice raising. "Don't fucking _ignore_ me."

Allen continued walking, a tightness forming in his chest - but not out of completely pitiful love-drenched pain. His life was not turning into a meaningless drama and he was far from a helpless woman who was lost in heartbreak. Not at this point.

_Why did he feel afraid?_

He had lost. He knew that. The battle of real dominance had ended and the victor was Kanda.

He pulled the door to his room open and entered it quietly, shutting the door quietly behind him. He let himself fall onto his bed, his arm resting over his eyes as another sigh escaped.

He had probably lost a while ago, now that he took the time to think about it. Out of self preservation he had turned a blind eye to this loss and completely forgot it was there. Now it slowly crept up on him, grinning from ear to ear like the damned reflection of the 14th. The realization itself was what scare him, because knowing a feeling meant you were more perceptible to showing it.

Showing it would no doubt be the end of him.

_Why was this happening?_

Because God was a pisser.

**A/N: Ohhhhmygod. **

**I'm sure a few of you want to kill me – but just wait a little, okay?**

**I'll crank out my excuse for why this took me so long right now… Okay, here it is:**

**All of my ideas went out the window.**

**You know how I said that I had a plan for this? Yeah, I ended up not liking it – then I just completely **_**forgot**_** it completely. So I had to come up with another one.**

**Not to mention, I didn't want to completely force it out of me head and give you crap.**

**Thank you for everyone who reviewed saying they read my shit and want me to continue. And thank you to Devils Melody and FallenAngelYamiHikari for assisting me with questions. Both of you mention why's instead of how's. So I tried that, and kept the general "why is this happening/how did this happen."**

**I promise to try and update this more often – but I'm horrible with it and need reminders constantly. Maybe I'll try to start the next chapter tomorrow, but I'll be up in San Jose for four days so I can't promise anything. [I live in Southern California, USA]**

**Well, I hope you enjoyed the latest and again – please don't kill me.**

**`Vinu**

_**P.S. I decided to keep as "SixIllusions" because it's a D. Gray-Man reference.**_


	5. Problem

_Why?_

He couldn't concentrate anymore. It became impossible for him. He sat, legs crossed, in a perfect pose for simple meditation. Yet even this eluded him. He attempted numerous times to shove every thought from his mind until he suspected the mental strain would cause him to spontaneously combust. It was infuriating to him at this point. Maybe, the first moments of this hindrance by this would have been understandable...

The swordsman had been sitting in the same spot for _two hours_. Now it was just becoming ridiculous.

He heard the shifting of cloth as another sat down next to him - he didn't bother opening his eyes. Nor did he speak; he knew exactly who it was. There was only one person bold [or stupid] enough to attempt to disturb his meditation.

"Kanda..." Came Lenalee's slightly unsure [and was that a hint of worry?] voice. She was hoping to get a response from the male. Unusual, normally if she interrupted his meditation it was either to just sit there in silence or to let out all of her thoughts unhindered.

Though Kanda realized the girl's intentions this time, he kept silent, deciding whether or not he dare tread the unknown waters.

"Kanda." The woman repeated a bit demanding and a hell of a lot less unsure. "Don't give me the silent treatment."

A sigh escaped the swordsman's lips, signaling the end of his silence. Midnight blue eyes open and stare at the woman boredly, waiting for her to explain what seemed to be _so_ pressing. A moment of silence told Kanda that Lenalee was expecting him to _verbally_ end his silence. "What." He stated more than asked, with quite the irritated tone added to the mix.

Something in the girl's stare hardened, her lips formed a slight momentary grimace seconds before she spoke. "What did you do to Allen?"

_Why did it matter?_

The swordsman's features twitched and this time it was his moment to grimace. His vacant gaze gained a heady amount of anger and frustration and his hands grasped the fabric of his pants tightly at the thought of the snowy-haired exorcist. "I didn't do anything to the damned Moyashi."

A look of disbelief was clearly present on Lenalee's features. She sighed and shook her head disappointedly at the male exorcist.

"If you don't believe me," Kanda began with a deep sigh, trying to keep his composure. Though it was proving difficult. "Go ask the Moyashi himself." The male new very well that Allen was far too emotionally reserved to ever accuse anyone of anything - but he hoped that the girl would forget that and go seek the snowy-haired boy out regardless.

"Allen is too kind to say anything against a friend, you know that Kanda." A small frown crossed the girl's lips, but not due to the man next to her. It was out of concern for how kind and caring Allen was to everyone. She swore up and down [to herself] that his disposition would be the death of him.

Another twitch tugged Kanda's expression. _Since when was I a friend?_

_Why did it hurt?_

"Something _did_ happen between the two of you, though..." Lenalee muttered, seemingly to herself until her large eyes - which had wandered to the floor - focused completely on the swordsman. "Right?"

The worried and helpless expression present on the female exorcist's features was unnerving. It tugged at a part of the male exorcist's [albeit hidden] conscience. A scowl graced his expression. "Nothing happened between the fucking Moyashi and I." He hissed for - what he hoped - the last time. "Why are you being so stubborn about this pointless crap?"

"The way the two of you treat one another is worse than ever!" Lenalee's voice rose slightly, hinting the mental strain the mere thought of Allen and Kanda's reactions to one another gave her. "You're causing problems for everyone - especially brother, Lavi, and I." The girl huffed, a thoroughly distraught expression crossing her face. "Something had to have happened to make it escalate like this."

The swordsman grit his teeth together, his anger was rising to dangerous levels and he almost couldn't explain why. The mere mention of the Moyashi was enough to get his blood boiling - and entire conversation driven by the bastard was just too much. "Nothing. Happened." He spat venomously.

The female exorcist flinched when she realized the road she was veering Kanda's temper down. "You'll tell me if anything happens though, right?" The look on the girl's face screamed the need of false hope. She was truly concerned with her two friends and neither of them were offering any hint as to why their relationship had [somehow] gotten even worse.

"Che." Kanda stood abruptly, rolling his shoulders to rid them of their strain. He made his way to the exit without a single look back. Leaving a worried and thoroughly upset Lenalee behind.

_Why did he feel afraid?_

He felt as if he were losing something. Nothing overly dramatic - he wasn't the damned Moyashi for Christ's-Fucking-Sake.

As he walked through the halls of the Order - going nowhere and everywhere - he tried to find the source of these feelings. Yet it seemed as if his mind were eluding him. Why was he having this stupid feeling it was pissing him off.

His thoughts slowly shifted to another irritating one. Since when had his relationship with the Moyashi gotten worse? In his mind, everything was completely normal. Especially since the end of their used-to-be nightly "arrangement." Though... they might have gotten more violent with one another lately.

Not that it was something groundbreakingly new.

Right?

And why did it matter so badly to anyone else what his relationship with the Moyashi was. It wasn't any of the goddamned fucking business. It wasn't their business that the sight of the snowy-haired exorcist pissed him off to levels never heard of. That everything that bastard did managed to twist some part of his temper. That he couldn't even explain why this was happening anymore. It didn't matter to him that it really had gotten worse than ever before.

As he pondered this, he continued to walk about the Order. Eventually, he found himself in front of Allen's room, staring blankly at the door. He scowled when he realized where he was, about to turn and walk away before realization hit him.

Everything Kanda felt - everything that was pissing him off so badly was all due to that damned Allen Walker.

Clenching his jaw, he reached out and tugged roughly at the brat's doorknob. Normally, Allen left his door unlocked as he was continuously running to and from it [not that Kanda ever pay attention to that]. This moment, Kanda found the door locked tight.

_Why was this happening?_

The only time the snowy-haired exorcist ever locked his door was during the time in which he was away on an assignment.

Kanda cursed and tried the door once more before banging his fist against it out of pure frustration. How dare that idiot leave when the swordsman was in the middle of an infuriating mental struggle.

How dare the damn Moyashi _cause_ this fucking problem for him.

_Why couldn't he let it go?_

**A.N:**

**So, I'm actually **_**not**_** home yet. I'm still in San Jose. And this is **_**not**_** my computer – so I'm hoping I can make it so the owner [the person I'm staying with] wont see this saved on their computer before I delete it.**

**I wrote it on the plane up here and before I went to sleep. [I have my own hotel room]**

**I didn't submit it here first, which is why I'm being a ninja about it now. I typed it up and posted onto my account first. [ If you don't know what is, it's a literature site I use for everything I write that is not fanfiction – which is a majority of my writing. If you ever check it out, my username is **viryn** ]**

**So, I'm always worried about how I use Kanda. Which is ironic – because not only do I **_**cosplay**_** Kanda – sometimes I'm said to have Kanda's **_**personality**_**. Yet I worry the most when I write him. So, did I do a good job?**

**If you notice, this is a different style than the other chapters. The questions are only asked once and never repeated like the rest of this story. Originally, they were going to be – but when I was writing it, I realized the storyline I had in my head wouldn't make sense for all the questions to be shoved into the beginning. So I spread them out.**

**When each question is asked, the part after that is supposed to have the answer – but I didn't make it obvious. Except for one of them, I believe.**

**I just noticed how long this Author's Note is, so I'll end it now.**

**I'll probably be writing the next chapter on the plane back on Sunday – or after the concert I'm going to tomorrow.**

**Oh, and I'll give honorable mention and free art [I'm an artist too. LeuongdeviantArt] to the **FIRST** person who can guess the main character of the next chapter!**

**`Vinu**


	6. Denial

_Why?_

He was being avoided. _Avoided_. Not that he particularly cared. If he did care, however, he supposed he would have been quite pissed. A frown crossed his lips as he thought of the situation.

The swordsman had no need to ignore the parasite-type exorcist for he had done nothing to offend the other.

_Why did it matter?_

Steel hued eyes trailed up from the floor as he made his way down the vast halls of the Black Order. He caught sight of the Japanese teen and automatically opened his mouth to get the other's attention.

The swordsman turned and sapphire momentarily met silver. He caught the sight of the other's lips moving - a silent, unhappy curse - before the other turned his back to the snowy-haired exorcist and hurried down the hall.

_Why did it hurt?_

Allen scowled, his fists clenching tightly and he stormed toward the other. An unfamiliar pang erupted in his chest and he fought back the feeling of crying. He wasn't upset, he swore. That was ridiculous. He didn't care that Kanda despised him - it had never been a problematic idea to him before, either. He just wanted to know the reason _why_. There was no reason, no rhyme, nothing.

As he approached the swordsman, he reached out - grabbing the other's wrist tightly and begun tugging him in the opposite direction. He recognized that the Japanese teen was speaking - yelling, most likely - but the younger exorcist ignored him completely. He practically dragged the older exorcist to his room, realizing - in the back of his mind - that at any moment the other could have pulled away as he was physically stronger than he. Yet, the Japanese teen did not.

_Why did he feel afraid?_

He shut the door, noticing his hand was shaking as it clasped the doorknob. Steel eyes trailed to the group, biting his lip. Now that he had gained the swordsman's attention his mind had frozen. He had nothing to say to the other - like his brain had just decided to give him a big "fuck you, have a nice day." Why had he done something so rash and stupi- _oh_. Maybe that's why Kanda was always calling him an idiot.

He gaze traveled up to meet the other's fuming glare. "What the fuck do you want, _Moyashi_?" The swordsman snapped, wrenching his wrist from the other's grasp to cross his arms in front of his chest.

Allen had forgotten that he hadn't let go of Kanda and he flushed for a moment before grasping the fact that the swordsman was angry at him.

_Why was this happening?_

"Why are you ignoring me?" Allen hissed, irritated by the other's anger. He had no place to be angry, the parasite-type exorcist figured. If anyone should be angry, it should be Allen - not that he was, he didn't really mind it, it was just unnecessary and slightly irritating.

"Why does it bother you?" The dark haired teen scoffed, moving to push past the other to escape the room.

The snowy haired exorcist scowled and pressed his back to the door. The swordsman was _not_ leaving. Silver eyes glare at the other as best he could, hoping Kanda couldn't see the uncertainty and nervousness hidden behind the glare.

_Why couldn't he let it go?_

The little bastard was going to pay for this later. In some form or the other, he was. If the swordsman wanted to be locked in a room with him he would have fucking asked.

_Why?_

The snowy-haired exorcist looked as if he were about to cry. He must have been out of his mind to think he could hide that behind one of his pathetic glares.

"Move, _Moyashi_." The swordsman hissed through grit teeth. Now would _not_ be a good time to punch the prissy little bitch, he told himself repeatedly like a mantra. He didn't need Lenalee to come scold him again for it. Of course, he didn't want to be stuck in the younger exorcist's room where his chest tightened and breathing was becoming something he had to actually think about.

"I refuse." Allen replied stubbornly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Not until you tell me why you're ignoring me."

"It doesn't concern you." Kanda growled trying to decide the better option; hitting the other or shoving him out of the way.

While shoving was easier and less likely to warrant a visit from a certain female exorcist - hitting was much more satisfying and still got the job done.

"It obviously does concern me if it is me that you are ignoring, _Bakanda_!" The snowy-haired exorcist's glare hardened, his hands clenching to fists.

_Why did it hurt?_

The dark-haired exorcist scowled, grabbing the other by the shoulders to push him to the side. The younger responded by grabbing the elder's wrists tightly, his silver eyes defiant.

Kanda sighed. "Moyashi-"

"Allen." The snowy haired exorcist correctly bitterly.

"Che. _Moyashi_," Allen scowled at this. "Let me the fuck go and let me leave." The swordsman ordered, trying to pull his wrists away from the other's grasp. When had he become so strong? Or was this just his stupid, naive determination? Either way, it was pissing him off. All of it. From the pathetic about-to-cry look on the bastard's face to the fact that he was still. in. that. damned. fucking. room.

_Why did he feel afraid?_

He wanted out, away, _something_ - and the fact that Allen's expression was getting more and more pathetic by the second wasn't helping.

"Just tell me why, Kanda." The snowy haired exorcist huffed. "It is really so hard?"

_Yes, actually_. Kanda thought with a grimace. "You don't need to fucking know, _Moyashi_." He spat venomously, pulling his wrists free. "Stop fucking caring so goddamned much about what others are doing and how they feel and reacts to you, fucking _moron_."

"You're a jackass, you know that?" Allen snapped, jabbing a finger at the other's chest. "You get so damned defensive when people want to know something. Guess what? No one would do that if you would just say something is fucking wrong so we don't have to fucking force it out of you, damn it!" The younger stopped and slapped his hand over his mouth as if he hadn't realized what he was saying.

The swordsman clenched his fists tightly to the point of pain - still hanging onto his last bits of self-restraint to not punch those infantile features. The restraint on his mouth, however, was long gone. "Listen here, you little prick - what I feel and do is none of your, nor _anyone_ else's, fucking business. If you can't fucking deal with that, fine, go bitch to the usagi or the damn woman whoever else you spill your useless hormonal feelings too because _I_ do not give a shit and the fact that you are delusional enough to think I do is pissing me off."

_Why was this happening?_

"They _are_ others' business when they have to deal with them. Like, say, I don't know, when you _ignore_ someone, maybe, _Bakanda_?" The silver glare lost its uncertainty, trading it for pure anger and annoyance.

_He_ was annoyed? Bullshit, the parasite-type had no fucking reason for it. If anyone had the right to be angry it was the swordsman for being dragged here against his will. And now he had to listen to the other bitch about life? Fuck that. Did Allen think he looked like Lavi or Lenalee? Did he not just yell this at the fucking moron?

"You're acting like a stupid woman getting angry at her boyfriend, _baka Moyashi_." The dark haired teen scoffed.

Kanda lost track of the words spilling from the younger exorcist's lips - he really didn't care for them - really.

He stare at Allen blankly, watching the other's flushed expression and wondering when the uncertainty had returned to his eyes. He noticed the snowy haired teen's gaze would flicker to the ground every so often as if he were afraid the swordsman would speak his mind again.

The younger exorcist's fingers twinted together and he took a small breath in between sentences to keep going. It made the swordsman wonder how many feeling the small body harbored and thought maybe one day it would cause him to explode. A sigh escaped his lips as he watched the other wondering when this tirade would end - how long had it been going on? He lost track. If it kept going - which it seemed like it would - he really would end up punching the other, regardless of whether or not he would regret the decision later one.

As he watched the snowy haired teen's lips move he frowned as another though sprung to the forefront of his mind with glaring presence. He could always shut him up by - no. That was the sole purpose of ignoring the idiot in the first place. He wanted nothing like _that_ between the younger exorcist and he - not anymore at least.

"You aren't even listening to me are you?" Allen scowled a bit breathless from the speed of his talking - scolding was a better word for it.

The fact that the Japanese teen didn't respond was enough of an answer.

"You're such an _ass_, Kand-"

Kanda pressed his lips to the other's forcefully, but not roughly. It took the other by surprise, if the fact that he tensed up was enough of a hint to go by.

Inwardly, the swordsman cursed himself for what he did. This is what he was trying to _avoid_, damnit. Though, at least he had shut the other exorcist up.

When he pulled away from the kiss, he studied he snowy-haired teen's expression. He looked as if he were about to keel over from shock.

"You talk too much." Kanda hissed before shoving past the other and escaping the confines of the room, feeling as if he'd just been freed from prison.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_.

_Why couldn't he let it go?_

**A/N:**

**I always feel like a horrible person when I stop writing for so long. Then I churn out something like this and I feel even worse because I know this isn't my best. Sorry, guys.**

**Just in case you were wondering, I have no idea how long this will be. Probably not too long, but I never planned on this being a multichapter in the first place. I have started writing the next chapter already, so don't worry you won't have to wait too long.**

**I am, however, going up to Anime Los Angeles for the weekend so I'll have to post next week.**

**Sorry if I missed some HTML coding in the text, I always type it out on HTML first so I can submit it to storywrite. I prefer HTML coding to using a Word document, so that's why I rarely ever post anything here on FF.**

**The order for the stories always goes Allen, Kanda, Both, Allen, Kanda, Both, Allen, Kanda, etc. This one has both in a way I haven't done it before, though most of the story problems come up in Kanda's half. I apologize for this – especially since when I first started this fanfiction I was better at writing Allen and now I suck at it.**

**I should also tell you that Allen has quite the mouth on him in this fanfiction at times. I don't like it when people portray him as too oversensitive. It's just not him. He does snap and get very angry, so that's how I portray him. In the next chapter, you'll get more of his anger [and so will Lavi, poor thing].**

**If you have any suggestions, let me know. "Flamers" are also welcome to flame on. After all;**

_**Haters Make Me Famous.**_

**`Vinu**

**P.S. I will be changing the title of this to "Stages" when I post the next chapter. I'm not doing it now so you have fair warning.**


	7. Relapse

_What happened?_

"Allen."

The snowy-haired exorcist sighed, his chin propped up on the palm of his hand. Steel eyes focused on nothing as he though. Though about nothing and everything and only a few things at the same time. Absentmindedly, he chewed on his lip as he reran a specific moment in his mind.

"Allen."

"_Allen_."

Steel eyes snapped to the female exorcist. Lenalee had her hands on her hips, a frown printed on her soft features. Allen blinked, still only half aware of the world around him. "What?"

"You're acting like a zombie, Allen." The dark-haired girl sat down across the table from him, a worried expression starting to appear on her face. "You haven't even eaten anything."

"Huh?" The snowy-haired exorcist looked down at the empty surface of the table. "Oh, I'm not hungry, Lenalee." He explained, twining his fingers and placing them on the table.

"What's wrong with you, Allen?" Lenalee asked, concerned.

"Nothing is wrong, I swear." The parasite-exorcist assured. A frown crossed his lips at the girl's worry. She always did it too much. It was a nice relief mostly, but it got overwhelming at times with her big sister habits.

"Allen, you never come here to _not_ eat." The girl sighed. "Even Jerry is worried for you."

Steel eyes turned to see the flamboyant chef, watching him with worry. When Jerry noticed that the boy had seen him, the chef immediately went back to business.

"I really am fine." Allen mumbled, gaze focused on the table. "You don't have to worry about me, Lenalee."

"I don't believe you, Allen." Lenalee frowned, her eyes began to water as she became visibly upset. "Both you and Kanda are hiding something, aren't you?"

The snowy-haired exorcist blanched, opening his mouth to speak. All that left his lips was a small pained noise and he opted to close his mouth instead.

"Don't you trust me enough to say it?" The dark-haired girl asked.

"We're not hiding anything, Lenalee." Allen squeaked nervously, becoming visibly uncomfortable.

"You're lying, Allen." Lenalee said sternly, almost yelling. Heads turned to stare at them, wondering what was going on. The girl had tears streaming down her cheeks. "It's obvious there's something wrong and I wish you would tell me because I'm _worried_ about you!"

_Why was it so hard?_

"I'm sorry, Lenalee." The snowy-haired exorcist sighed. "But there really is nothing wrong." He stood slowly walking around the table to place himself next to her.

"I still don't believe you." She cried, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeves.

"I know." Allen wrapped his arm around the girl, hugging her tightly to comfort her.

Lenalee leaned against him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She sobbed quietly for a long while, trying to get out all of her worry.

"Why did you make Lenalee cry?"

"Lavi..." Allen sighed, not looking at the red-haired exorcist. His eyes scanned the books in the library shelf, not wanting to have this conversation.

"I'm curious." Lavi said with a wide grin. "What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything." The snowy-haired exorcist muttered. "She's just worried."

"Well everyone's worried, _Moyashi-chan_." The hammer-wielder cooed. "You and Yuu-chan are going to end up killing us all." The red-head wrapped an arm around the parasite-type's neck. "And none of us even know why."

_Why didn't he understand?_

"Nothing happened." Allen scowled, getting sick of how many times he had to say the simple phrase. "Can we drop it now?"

"Allen." Lavi sighed, dropping his arm. "I really think it's unfair for you to not tell us." He sat down on one of the library couches, a frown plastered to his face.

"There's nothing to tell, Lavi." The parasite-type exorcist's fist clenched around one of the books he had pulled off of the shelf. "I really want to change the subject."

"No wonder you made her cry." The hammer-wielder pouted. "You're angrier than normal. Why is it so hard to tell us what's wrong?"

"Because it's none of your damned business!" A'llen yelled, slamming the book on the group. He was sick of people asking and worrying for him. He wasn't some defenseless woman with a boyfriend issue like others were treating him.

Lavi's eyes turned the size of dimmer plates, surprised by the snowy-haired exorcist's sudden outburst.

The parasite-type took a deep breath and turned away from the red-haired exorcist before quickly taking his exit from the library.

_Why couldn't he stop this?_

He slammed his fist against the swordsman's door. "Kanda." There was no answer and he scowled, knocking so hard one could have genuinely worried the door would crack.

"What the fuck do you _want_?" Came the dark-haired teen's irritated voice. The door opened to reveal the icy sapphire glare.

"You're a jackass." Allen hissed venomously.

"You're annoying." Kanda spat back. "If that's all you want then goodbye."

The snowy-haired exorcist shoved his hand against the door as the dark-haired one began to close it. He shoved past the swordsman to enter the room and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You're one of the worst people I've ever met - and that includes my master."

"I could say the same for you, _Moyashi_." The swordsman scoffed. "What got you so anal?"

"None of your business." The parasite-exorcist snapped.

Kanda arched an eyebrow, arms crossed in front of his chest. "Then _why_ are you here?" He asked, not sounding the least bit interested.

"It's your fault." Allen accused angrily, a grimace printed across his features, completely unaware that he was making no sense what-so-ever.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Kanda asked. He was acting as if the younger exorcist was burdening him - looking at him as if he'd lost his mind. The snowy-haired teen clenched his fists and scowled, about to open his mouth when the swordsman spoke again. "I haven't done shit to you, _Moyashi_."

"If it wasn't for you everything would still be normal. It's _your_ fault."

The dark haired teen scoffed, rolling his eyes at the other. "I don't know what you're talking about, idiot."

"I'm talking about how much of a _jackass_ you are, Bakanda." The parasite exorcist huffed bitterly, glaring at the other. Uncertainty was creeping into his feelings. How was he supposed to explain why Kanda was at fault when it barely made sense to himself? He was now positive he sounded like an idiot with his current approach - which was _not_ what he wanted.

"I've realized that much." The swordsman looked utterly _bored_. As if all of this was _tiring_ to him, and that was _definitely_ not what he was going for.

"Why did you kiss me?" Allen demanded suddenly.

_Why couldn't he get his feelings out?_

That rid Kanda of his vacant expression. It was immediately replaced by annoying and something Allen swore - but there was no way - was nervousness. As if it was the _one_ subject the Japanese teen was trying to _avoid._

"Che. Since when do I need a reason?"

The snowy-haired exorcist rose an eyebrow, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "So you go around kissing people who piss you off all then? That's an odd habit to have, Bakanda."

The swordsman's lip twitched and his glare hardened. "Why the fuck do you care so much?" He hissed venomously. "It's not as if you have your virtue to worry about, _Moyashi_." A smirk crossed his lips as he spoke, making the parasite-type exorcist's anger swell.

Now was _not_ the time to be jabbing at his _chastity_.

"I care because I don't appreciate you _shoving_ yourself on my, Bakanda." Allen spat defensively.

"Shoving myself?" Kanda arched an eyebrow. "From what I recall you very much enjoy it when I _shove_ myself." He chuckled darkly.

"You're a _bastard_." The snowy-haired teen scowled. "That is _not_ what I was referring to."

"You're getting defensive, _Moyashi_."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"You're acting as if you're an offended girlfriend."

"You _aren't_ listening to me." Allen huffed. "I'm _trying_ to have a serious discussion, Kanda."

"Che, I'm trying to get you to go the fuck _away_."

The parasite-type exorcist scowled, the swordsman was being an ass on _purpose_. Cocky, ignorant bastard - that's all Allen could think of to describe the other. Calling him an upset woman to make fun of him. He wasn't an emotional wreck, he could function on his own, he wasn't dependent on the other. He wasn't helplessly in love. _Really_.

"_Bakanda_, I'm not leaving."

"Figured." Kanda scowled unhappily, rolling his eyes. He leaned against one of the walls and closed his eyes. It was obvious he was trying to ignore the other, making the snowy-haired teen's anger flare once more.

"Don't ignore me, Bakanda." He spat, stomping his foot against the ground like a child throwing a tantrum.

"Leave and I won't have to." The swordsman muttered. "Or shut up."

"I'm _not_ leaving." The parasite-type exorcist said once more.

"Then shut up."

"Damn it, Kanda." Allen hissed. "Why do you always have to be so difficult? Is it really so hard for you to _not_ be an ass? Does the concept of "conversation" even exist for y-"

Kanda grabbed hold of his wrist, tugging him so hard he lost his balance. The snowy-haired exorcist opened his mouth to complain to the other and to demand his release but he was halted by the forceful lips pressed against his. His mind blanked, all of his thoughts stopped dead as if Miranda was there to stop time. It was a cliche feeling to have - but he had it and it wasn't going away.

"Leave it to you to not know the meaning of shut up, _baka Moyashi._" The dark-haired teen scowled, still holding the other's wrist tightly.

The parasite-type exorcist stare at the swordsman, jaw hitting the ground. his mind started churning at rapid speed, calculating the situation as best he could - which wasn't very well given his state of shock.

Kanda rolled his eyes at the other, tugging a lock of white hard enough to pull him out of his daze. "You act like I stole your first kiss, _baka_."

Allen didn't pay any mind to the swordsman's words - his focus was trying to pry his hand from the other's grip. He tugged and pulled to no avail until he was red in the face from frustration. "Let go, _Bakanda_."

"_Iie_." The dark-haired teen sighed, watching the snowy-haired teen's pathetic attempt.

"Why not?" The parasite-type exorcist's voice rose an octave and he continued his struggle. He wanted to be let go - he _Needed_ to be let go, why couldn't the bastard understand that? "Let me go."

_Why did he feel this way?_

Kanda didn't respond to him, which only infuriated him. Why did he have to be such a jackass? Why couldn't he just _let go_? What happened to the swordsman not wanting to touch him? Where did that go? He wanted that feeling back - the one where looking at one another brought nothing but frustration and rage. Now it was sexual tension and urges and lo- no. Those needed to be gone. He wanted the old feelings. Those weren't complicated - where had _they_ gone?

His eyes were focused on the wrist help in a death grip by the dark-haired teen. His free hand attempting to pry away the other's hand.

He caught the sound of a sigh before feeling the familiar pair of lips again. Moving against his demandingly - and he was giving in with a small reluctantly pleased noise. He was pressed against a wall, covered by the other's larger body, trapped in between his arms.

When had his wrist been let go- oh. That's where the hand went and _oh_, he almost forgot what _that_ felt like down there. Why had they stopped doing this in the first place? It wasn't that bad of a thing at al- _son of a bitch._

Allen pulled himself out of the kiss, turning his head to avoid a change of reinitiation. "Get off." He ordered, not enjoying it in the _least_ when the swordsman's lips found his pulse and nipped, bit, and sucked. no, he hated it - regardless of the quiet moan that forced its way from his mouth.

Kanda ignored him completely, favouring instead, the removal of the younger teen's shirt. Calloused hands traced up his sides, making him shiver. He closed his eyes and chewed on his lip - begging God for the willpower to do what he need regardless of how much he'd miss this feeling.

Two mismatched hands grasped the other teen's shoulders and shoved him away. "_Bakanda_, stop!" He hissed out, wanting nothing more than the opposite. No, he couldn't give in. Bad All. Bad thoughts. _Shoo._

"Che." Kanda grimaced, arms crossing in front of his chest. "That's obviously not what you want, _Moyashi_." A smirk replaced the grimace quickly and the snowy-haired exorcist's heart sunk.

"How do know?" He demanded weakly.

A dry chuckle was his response and the swordsman pointed a finger downward. "If you wanted me to stop you wouldn't have that problem."

Infantile features lip up like a bright, cherry coloured light. Steel eyes followed the line of the accusing finger and mismatched hands quickly moved to cover the issue in question. "S-Stupid, cocky, bastard." He muttered quietly, more to himself than Kanda.

A surprised squeak escaped him when he found himself trapped between Kanda and the wall again. He to protest but was once more silenced by the swordsman's mouth on his own. The kiss was rough and demanding - Kanda's needs pouring into it; he wanted to fuck. _Now_. And goddamnit he was going to.

The rough clashing soon had added tongues and teeth, distracting from the fact that the Japanese teen was in the process of removing the English teen's belt.

Mismatched arms wrapped around the dark-haired exorcist's neck, giving up. So much for the earlier God begging - though he supposed it _was_ ironic given the frowned-up nature of his actions.

A gasp escaped into the kiss when one of Kanda's hands found its way to a sensitive nipple. Brushing against it lightly before pinching and teasing.

Allen moaned quietly and he was vaguely aware of his pants being violently shoved from his pale hips.

_Why couldn't he just say no?_

**A/N: Dear **_**God.**_** Did I really just write this much? No wonder typing it all up was so much of a strain on my attention span [I wrote it in a notebook , first].**

**So, I noticed that this chapter is kind of all over the place, and I'm sorry for that. It follows Allen's thought process and when Allen gets all over the place, so does the story. I swear that the next chapter, which I have already written, called Regression that is from Kanda's point of view will not be a giant mess like this one.**

**It also has the rest of the sex.**

**I will type that one up later because my sinuses are clogged, my head is throbbing, and my entire body is sore. Yes, allergies are a great thing.**

**But… Yeah. I don't really have much else to say about this chapter except I'm sorry. I feel like my writing quality is getting lower as time passes.**

**`Vinu**


	8. Regression

_What happened?_

He fucked up. Or, to be more precise, he _was_ fucking up. Almost literally – but Jesus-fucking-_Christ_ was he enjoying it. Or, to be more correct, enjoying _him._

Him. The main point of his frustration. Him who was currently underneath the swordsman, fisting the sheets and trying his best to hold back his most embarrassing noises.

"Fuck." The snowy-haired exorcist gasped out.

_Congratulations_. Kanda thought with a thrust of his hips. _You can identify what we're doing_. And here the dark-haired teen had thought the other was a _complete_ moron.

"_Shit_." Allen moaned especially loud and the swordsman figured he should aim there for the remainder of their activity.

Not many people could get the parasite-type exorcist to curse like a sailor. The Japanese teen figured he should be proud that he could make the English teen _not only_ curse like a sailor but also moan like a whore. Maybe he should have gotten an award for the added bonus.

"_Kanda_." The snowy-haired exorcist's arms went around his neck tightly, clinging to him.

Kanda really couldn't help his response. "Whore." Really. He couldn't. _Really._

Oh, hey, there went the arms. "_Jackass._"

_Good lord._ The swordsman thought with a well-angled and especially powerful thrust. He was obviously _not_ doing his job well enough if the other could still form words and thoughts with meaning.

_Why didn't he understand?_

Pure white fanned around the younger exorcist's face, strands stuck to his sweat-slicked skin. Sometimes Kanda swore he could get off from just that image in his head. Swollen, bruised lips parted and panting – cheeks stained a delicious red. Steel eyes glazed and begging – _screaming _ for more. Yes, he was positive it could be enough. The image of the snowy-haired exorcist like this. Like this for _him. Just_ for him.

Thin legs tightened around him, arms returning to his neck. "Fu—Shit, _Kan_—fuck."

He found the incoherency amusing, actually. He would have laughed if he didn't know Allen would throw a fit. Kanda groaned as he thrust into the other.

_Why couldn't he stop this?_

He'd almost forgotten how good this felt. God, why had he ever decided to stop? Not that it mattered now, it really didn't. He cursed with the next thrust – it was getting to be too much, and by the volume of the parasite-type exorcist it was the same story.

"Fuck, _Moyashi_." The swordsman moaned.

"_Allen."_

_Really? During fucking_ sex_?_ Kanda leaned down to crush their lips together; anything to distract the other from the topic. Now was definitely _not_ the time to have that argument. Though there was something appealing to the notion of calling the English teen by his name – not that he would. He'd die before that ever happened.

_Why couldn't he get it out?_

A sigh escaped his lips as he studied the ceiling. Yes, today could be considered one giant fuck-up. Not one he regretted though – at least, not yet.

He caught the sound of ruffling sheets and his sapphire gaze focused on the source. A head of thoroughly tossed white hair peeked out from beneath white bedsheets. The parasite-type exorcist was fast asleep, his infantile features relaxed and calm.

The Japanese teen grimaced at the sight. His chest grew tight and he cursed himself. _Unacceptable_. He scolded himself. He wouldn't allow himself to be like this. It was a stupid feeling, one for idiots like the snowy-haired teen next to him.

Kanda moved to sit up but found himself unable to. There was a light tug on his hair and he opened his mouth to yell at the other. His glare only lasted a moment before he noticed that the English teen was still asleep. His innocence-infected hand clutching a lock of the Japanese teen's hair tightly.

Scowling, he lay back down, turning on his side to face Allen. _"Moyashi." _He hissed, eyes hardening to a glare once more.

The parasite-type exorcist didn't respond, causing the swordsman to scowl. "_Moyashi_." He repeated, louder.

Steel eyes fluttered open and the younger teen yawned lazily. "What do you want, _Bakanda_?" He grumbled, reaching his free hand up to massage his eyes.

"Let go of my hair." The older teen demanded.

Confusion crossed Allen's features before he lifted the hand fisting the other's hair. It took him a moment, but realization dawned and he released the lock of dark hair – albeit somewhat reluctantly. "Sorry." He muttered under his breath closing his eyes to fall back to sleep.

_Why did he feel this way?_

Kanda studied the younger exorcist's features with a grimace printed to his lips. He pushed himself up on his elbows, leaning over the snowy-haired teen to press their lips together.

Allen made a small sound of surprise before returning the kiss. It wasn't demanding or rough like the others, there was no biting or anything of the life. It was slow, thoughtful, caring. It was sweet and soft and everything the two engaged in it were not.

When they parted there was a tiny moment of lingering before the swordsman lay back down without a word to the other.

The parasite-type exorcist frowned and rest his head on Kanda's shoulder, closing his eyes with a sigh.

_Why couldn't he just say no?_

The Japanese teen watched as the snowy-haired exorcist slowly fell into sweet unconsciousness. A light sigh escaped his lips and he reached a hand up to rub at his eyes, cursing himself quietly. He should have pushed the other away, he should have _not_ kissed him. He should have kicked him out without a second thought. He should have done so many, many things that he _didn't_ do and for that he cursed himself.

Cursed himself for being so very, very damnably _stupid_.

_Why was he letting himself fall?_

**A/N: I was going to wait a bit longer before posting it, but I chose against that.**

**I knew if I put it off too long I'd forget it all together so here's the next chapter.**

**In the original written in my notebook, it stopped after the question "Why couldn't he just say no?" but I felt it wasn't enough for Kanda. Allen's chapter had more emotions in it, so I felt I should put a bit more of Kanda's.**

**I also added another question that wasn't in Allen's chapter.**

**I'm sorry for mistakes and whatnot because I don't have a beta or anything like that. I'm the only one who reads it before it's posted. If you want to be the beta, feel free to tell me, I would appreciate it greatly. I always feel bad for posting things that haven't been looked over. Sure, I do spell check, but I never read over the entire thing again. I mean, I can barely remember what happens in the first few chapters!**

**But anyway, I listen to music when I write or else I go blank. So I thought I'd let you know some of the things I listen to while writing this. For Relapse and Regression, I listened to the same songs. Two of which were on repeat throughout more than half of Relapse.**

_**Grenade **_**and **_**Just The Way You Are**_** Br****ú****no Mars [The ones on repeat]  
**_**Figured You Out**_** Nickelback  
**_**Gives You Hell**_** and **_**Dirty Little Secrets**_** The All-American Rejects  
**_**Ring The Alarm**_** Beyonc****é  
**_**FUCK YOU**_** Cee Lo Green  
**_**Fighter**_** Christina Aguilera  
**_**Mr. Sensitive**_** David Cook  
**_**Lie**_ **David Cook  
**_**Avalanche**_** David Cook  
**_**Butterfly**_** Jason Mraz**


	9. Discovery

**A/N: Yeah, this time the author's note is at the top because I **_**didn't**_** write this in a notebook, so I had time to put my thoughts down.  
I've actually found I have less spelling errors when I write it on Word – though, I'm not going to make this a habit, because I like having rough copies. To be honest, I'll probably print this out and write it out into my notebook that I have special for this fanfiction.**

**So, originally this was going to be quite a long chapter, but as I typed it I realized it would be better to split it in half – and then after writing this Author's Note the first time, I split it into **_**fourths**_**. In order to write this I have to break my pattern. This chapter has completely different questions – as will the next one, and the next one will be in Kanda's point of view instead of Allen's.**

**I finally have a beta, so you don't have to deal with my typos and you'll have a better story. Thank you very much to Eternal-Dark-Eyes. **

_How did they get to this point?_

What was the point? They couldn't remember, nor was it relevant to them. Their minds were a mess of emotions tangled together beyond recognition. They had gone back to their old routine without question – but there were second thoughts. Unvoiced thoughts, but thoughts nonetheless.

The snowy-haired exorcist groaned, unhappy to have woken from his slumber. He stretched his arms lazily, letting one rest across the swordsman's chest. He shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable despite the ebbing pain in his hips. Steel eyes focused on the dark-haired teen, watching the peaceful expression on his face. A faint smile crossed his lips and he leaned over to press their lips together gently.

A loud knock made Allen jump with a yelp and instantly, he pushed away from Kanda, jerking the other awake.

"What the _fuck_, _Moyashi?_" He hissed, glaring at the other.

"Yuu-chan!" Came the cheerful voice of the red-headed Junior Bookman.

Cursing, the swordsman jumped from his bed, collecting stray clothes from the floor and pulling them on as quickly as he could while making his way to the door. "What the fuck do you want, _Baka Usagi_?"

"Komui needs to see us," Lavi explained loudly through the door. "Hurry up – aren't you normally awake by now?"

"My sleeping patterns are none of your fucking business." Kanda snapped, grabbing his sword from its leaning position against the wall beside his bed.

_How were they going to deny this?_

Sapphire eyes met steel for a moment and the Japanese teen quickly realized that there was no way for Allen to leave unnoticed with the Junior Bookman there. Cursing the world's stupidity, he approached the door and pulled it open only enough for the red-head to see half of the swordsman's face and no more.

"Oh, are you done primping?" Lavi asked, his wide, ignorant grin making Kanda cringe inwardly.

"Leave, _baka Usagi_." The Japanese teen ordered. "I'll go to Komui's office when I'm done." He made to slam the door in the other's face but was halted by the presence of the Junior Bookman's foot lodged between the door frame and Kanda's pride and sanity.

"You're hiding something, Yuu." The hammer wielder said knowingly. He pressed his hands against the door, trying to push his way into the room.

"_Leave_." The swordsman hissed, shoving harder against the door. "I'm not fucking hiding anything. Now go away."

Allen squirmed underneath the blankets as quietly as possible, trying to hide himself as best he could. The last thing he wanted was to be caught, especially in this situation: naked in Kanda's bed with a giant pain in his ass. With all of his moving the pain grew in intensity, and he let out a grunt, cursing himself immediately afterward.

The Japanese teen scowled, turning to glare at the other to only to find that the snowy-haired exorcist had buried himself underneath the blankets. His gaze quickly returned to Lavi, unsure of whether or not the red-head had heard the unfortunate mistake of the younger exorcist.

By the questioning look on the Junior Bookman's face it was a definite _yes_.

_How would they explain this?_

"You're hiding _someone_, Yuu." Lavi stated, shoving at the door. He caught the swordsman off guard and quickly pushed past him to get into the room. As he approached the bed he slowed to a tip-toe, mocking the art of stealth.

Allen held his breath; holding on to false hope that maybe the Junior Bookman hadn't noticed him. Both Kanda and he knew that hope was a very, _very_ false hope – a very stupid one to have.

The red-haired exorcist stared at the lump beneath the sheets for a moment before hesitantly reaching over to pluck the material away from the figure's hidden face. When he spotted white locks of hair, his mouth fell open and he somehow managed to pull farther to see terrified gray eyes staring up at him.

"Holy fucking sh—"

"You say anything, you _die_, _baka Usagi_." Kanda threatened, glaring death at the other.

Lavi stood there with his mouth agape – unsure of exactly_ how _to react to this. He figured though, that it made a bit of sense, maybe. The two _were_ always at one another's throats… Maybe it was just a lot of unresolved tension.

They _had_ stopped being as violent in the past few weeks, he realized. He'd wondered what exactly it was that caused this – now he knew.

Allen sat up; pulling the blankets up to his chest, face hot with embarrassment. "Please don't say anything, Lavi." He stared at the hammer wielder helplessly – the _last_ thing either of them wanted was for anyone to find out.

Lavi tried to wrap his head around it. Around Kanda – violent, angry, seemingly-asexual – Kanda and Allen – sweet, adorable, kind, seemingly-innocent – Allen _together_. _Not_ killing one another.

"Of course I'm not going to tell anyone." The Junior Bookman assured with a large grin – hiding the shock he had yet to recover from.

"We're leaving now, _Usagi_." The swordsman muttered as he made his exit.

_How would they survive?_


	10. Denial Part 2

**A/N: You're all going to hate me.**

**Beta'd by Eternal-Dark-Eyes**

_Why couldn't he say anything?_

A single green eye studied him quietly and it was slowly becoming infuriating. The Junior Bookman had been doing nothing but _stare_ since they boarded the train – four hours ago.

"Do you have something to fucking say,_ Usagi_ or is your remaining eye broken?" Kanda hissed finally, making the red-head jump in surprise.

Lavi opened his mouth to say something but only sighed and shook his head, focusing his gaze out the window.

_Is he just _trying_ to piss me off?_ The swordsman thought angrily, three seconds away from loosing it and unleashing Mugen on the unsuspecting Junior Bookman's ass.

"Allen?"

Sapphire eyes refocused on the hammer wielder, a green eye staring at him, once more, in disbelief.

"What of it?" The dark-haired exorcist asked in response.

"Just surprised." Lavi leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Consensual?"

"No, I raped the bastard." A roll of sapphire eyes.

"Your sarcasm is a bit too serious sounding, Yuu…"

"Your questions are a bit pointless,_ Usagi_." Kanda scowled, eyes narrowing at the other dangerously. "I didn't taint your perfect little angel – he was already like that, so calm the fuck down."

Lavi sighed, tugging at his headband lightly. "You won't hurt him, right?" He asked, frowning.

"Che." The swordsman scoffed as the train pulled to a stop. "He's not as pitiful as he looks, _baka Usagi_." He stood and brushed his ponytail behind his shoulder as he exited the cabin.

_Why couldn't he admit it?_

"Do you like him?" The red-head asked suddenly as they walked through the small town, patrolling for akuma in the sea of people crowding a small street market.

"Where the fuck did that come from?" The swordsman growled.

"Well, I jus—"

"You don't have to _like_ someone to fuck, dipshit." Kanda interrupted, offended by the mere _thought_ of having feelings for the snowy-haired exorcist. It was _appalling_ – and apparently the townspeople believed so too, with the looks they gave him. "He knows that too."

He grimaced when he noticed the only response he got was an unhappy stare. His sapphire eyes narrowed to a glare. "I wouldn't fuck him – " More stares were aimed his way. "—if he had those feelings, _baka Usagi_ – like hell I'd want to deal with that shit."

"How do you know he doesn't have them?" Lavi asked, frowning.

"If he's enough of an idiot to have them, that's his problem. If he tries to cause me shit for it, I'll fucking _murder_ him."

"That's a little heartless, Yuu." The Junior Bookman shook his head at the Japanese teen as if he were ashamed of him.

"Do I look like Jesus?" The swordsman was about to punch him across the face, in all honesty. "No, I don't, so I'm not required to give a shit." The red-head had no place to be so damned nosy. Kanda would have been perfectly fine if the other would kindly _fuck off_. Forever. "This is why I don't tell you shit, _baka Usagi_."

"I'm just worried, Yuu." Lavi sighed, wishing his friend would understand. He was pretty sure the swordsman was incapable of such things though.

"Che." Kanda scoffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Then go talk to the fucking _Moyashi_ about it." He hissed, quickening his pace and pushing past a group of people.

_Why was he so stubborn_?

It was sunset now and people were beginning to flee to their homes for the night. The daring and the drunk left behind to eat and talk their pitiful lives away despite the threat of akuma looming above their heads. Not that the stupid knew of them. It was a blissful ignorance for them.

"You're mad at me now, aren't you?"

"I don't give a shit enough to be mad, moron." Kanda snapped as he pulled his coat from his shoulders. A sigh escaped his lips when he saw the stare the Junior Bookman was giving him. "_What_?"

"Nothing." Lavi frowned, rolling onto his stomach on the bed he had claimed as his own.

This particular room in the inn was just big enough for two beds, but would serve as a good enough shelter for the two exorcists. It was dark. Only the moon and the few lights left in the town they resided in illuminated the room.

"Stop staring at me then, idiot." The swordsman hissed, sitting on the edge of his bed. He glared at the hammer-wielder when the staring didn't cease. "_What, baka usagi_?"

"I think you're lying." The red-head said simply. He rolled onto his back, looking at the dark-haired teen upside down.

"About what?" Kanda rose an eyebrow – figuring the other crazy. Well. He _knew_ the other was crazy.

"Not liking Allen."

"Che, idiot." The swordsman shook his head. "How could anyone like that idiot?"

_Yes,_ he did realize that was an extremely idiotic question.

"Yuu…" Lavi sighed. "Is it really so difficult to admit you don't _hate_ Allen?"

"It's hard to admit something that isn't true, _baka Usagi_." The dark-haired teen sighed and pulled the tie from his hair, letting it fall down his shoulders. He ran his fingers through it, working the knots out. He could honestly say he was tired of it all – the questions, the conversation, _Lavi_. If there was ever a time he wished for a _solo_ mission, it would be now.

"You're being difficult."

"You're being an idiot." Kanda grimaced as he tugged at a particularly stubborn knot. Why did he have to have _feelings_ for the snowy-haired _idiot_? Feeling weren't necessary – especially when concerning anything that included Allen. He was stupid, weak, and pathetic. He cared too _damn_ much and it caused him to be annoyingly nosey. One day he was going to die because he _had_ to play the _goddamned_ hero. There really was nothing good about him other than his looks.

Allen was feminine – but not likeLenalee, Miranda, or Claude Nine. His hair was a rare white, and when you ran your hands through it, the strands felt something akin to silk. The markings across his eye didn't mar his looks either, only enhancing them – in the swordsman's opinion.

"You – you're just going to hurt yo—"

"Che, _please_." The swordsman scoffed. "I don't need your goddamn advice for a problem I _don't_ have. I don't feel anything for the idiot. It's not like it _had_ to be him, I would be completely fucking okay if it was anyone else."

"You're being a little over dramatic don't you th—"

"Maybe if you shut the fuck _up_ every now and then, I wouldn't _have_ to be."

Lavi sat up. He scooted to the edge of his bed, and faced the other. "I'm just saying I find it highly possible you're lying about not having any feelings for Allen to save that stubborn pride of yours, Yuu."

The swordsman stood and stomped over to the other angrily. Before he could react, the Junior Bookman was shoved back onto his bed. His emerald eye wide as it was met with a furious and determined sapphire. "Then I'll fucking prove it to you."

_Why was he ruining it all?_


	11. Forced

_Why was he uneasy?_

The snowy-haired exorcist sat in the swordsman's bed long after the other had left. He clung to the pillow, burying his face into it. He wasn't worried Lavi would say anything – it _was_ Lavi. He trusted him more than most people. But then _why_ was he so uneasy?

Pale fingers clasped at the sheets, pulling them around him. They smelled like the Japanese teen, and yet he could smell a little of himself as well. Almost like both of their scents had been mixed together. The thought brought a light blush to his face. He let out a sigh, a frown crossing his lips.

When would Kanda be back? He should have asked before the other left.

After dressing, he slowly pulled the door open, and peered down the hall both ways to ensure no one would see him. He exited the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

"Allen?"

The parasite-type cursed mentally, damning every deity that came to mind in the few, short seconds he had before responding. Of course this would happen. Caught by _both _Lavi and Lenalee in the same day – it was the cliché of his life. All he wanted was to go back to his room and change. Now that he thought about it, he bet needed to bathe too. He probably smelled like swordsman and sex.

He put on his best [fake] smile on and turned to face the dark-haired girl, hand still tight on the doorknob. "Good morning, Lenalee."

"Were you in Kanda's room?" She asked skeptically – ignoring the fact that it was well past morning – her arms crossed in front of her chest, an eyebrow arched quizzically.

_Why couldn't he say anything?_

Allen made a face of shock and released the doorknob as if it had burned him. "It's Kanda's room?"

"Allen."

"Didn't work?"

"No."

"Damn it." He sighed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. He wracked his brain for a lie, excuse, fairy tale, _anything_ other than the _reason_. "I saw a ghost?"

"_Really?_"

"Fairy?"

"_Allen_."

"I was looking for his make-up?"

"Now that is just pitiful. Stop it before you hurt yourself." Lenalee responded with a disappointed shake of her head. "Just tell me, Allen. It's not as if I can't already guess."

Allen frowned, chewing on his bottom lip. He was trying to think of anything other than the truth again. It was bad enough Lavi knew. He felt bad for wanting to lie to Lenalee so desperately. She was a good friend, and she was obviously worried about him. He had no right to lie to her, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Allen, just tell me."

"I wasn't doing anything particularly bad." He said quietly, hoping to get away with just that.

The dark-haired girl sighed, irritated with the other. "So then _what_ were you doing?" She eyed him unhappily – more so because he was trying to lie than anything else.

"I…" The English teen took a deep breath, using those last few seconds to say goodbye to the remnants of his male pride. "was sleeping there…"

Large, dark eyes blinked at him. Lenalee's expression bordered on blank as she took it in. Silently, she tried to work out all the logic that came with that simple sentence. Not that it was particularly difficult to understand. She just wanted to take the time to think it out. "In Kanda's room?" She questioned.

"Yes."

"While Kanda was there?"

"Yes."

The girl nodded thoughtfully. "Okay."

"Okay?"

She blinked at him. "That's what I said."

Allen grimaced. That was it. That was _it_? That was her reaction? He worried for _that_? _Lavi_ had more of a reaction than that! Had she not grasped the entire situation? Did she not _realize_ what the situation was _hinting_ at?

"That's it?" He asked in complete disbelief.

"What do you want me to say, Allen?" She asked, an eyebrow arched. "Do you want me to shun you?"

"I'd rather you didn't – but you didn't really react at all."

Lenalee sighed, dropping her arms from their crossed position. "There's nothing to really say. I'm happy you told me – though you probably never would have without me catching you." She explained, a light smile on her features.

"Oh."

"Do you have feelings for him?"

_Could he admit it?_

"D-Do I _what_?" Allen's voice raised a few octaves, his steel eyes wide with shock.

"Do you like Kanda?" The dark-haired girl repeated slowly.

"I…" He frowned. "Uhm… Not particularly." His eyes trained on the floor, his fingers twining together. He didn't. Really… All the time… Sure he didn't _hate_ the swordsman – but it wasn't as if he _loved_ him. Though, Kanda did have gentle moments – not a lot, but he had some. Rarely.

"Does he like you?"

A sigh escaped his lips and he visibly drooped "N-No, he doesn't."

"Oh, Allen." Lenalee frowned and wrapped her arms around the other tightly. She rested her head on his shoulder in hopes of comforting him.

Allen stiffened, surprised by the reassuring action. He hugged the Chinese teen back hesitantly, relaxing only slightly. Why was she hugging him? It wasn't as if he were sad about it. He realized that the swordsman held no feelings for him – he had realized that long ago. It would have been stupid to think otherwise.

"Have you told him?"

"Of course not." the English teen mumbled. "He would kill me."

She pulled away from him, staring him in the eye. A worried look crossed her features as she placed a hand to his scarred cheek. "Allen, you're crying."

The boy jumped away from her hand, rubbing at his eyes. He hadn't noticed – he didn't even understand _why_.

_Why was he so stubborn?_

It was stupid to be crying. He realized the swordsman hated him – he had accepted that. There was nothing he could do to change it. Crying would definitely _not_ save the emotional toil at hand. Though, it wasn't as if he could tell the swordsman. One: because Kanda was away on assignment. Two: he would get run through with Mugen.

"Maybe you should tell him." Lenalee frowned, concerned for him.

"Do you _want_ him to kill me?" Allen grimaced.

"He wouldn't really kill you, Allen." The dark-haired girl sighed.

"He would _hospitalize_ me." The English exorcist corrected, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "It's fine just the way it is."

"If it was fine, you wouldn't have _cried_." Lenalee said stubbornly. "Just – please, Allen. At least think about it."

"Fine. I'll think about it." Allen sighed, knowing the Chinese teen wouldn't stop the conversation until he promised. He also knew if he _didn't_ tell Kanda, the girl would continue to harass him about it until he did. He really had no choice in the matter.

_Why was he ruining it all?_

**A/N: So, I realize that I write these out in notebooks really fast – but I'm always slow to type them. Like… I had this chapter done when I posted the **_**last**_** chapter and I also have the next chapter done but haven't even started typing it. I really need to fix these habits.**

**One reason is because this isn't the only thing I'm writing. I don't normally write fanfiction – in fact, this is the only fanfiction I've been writing lately. I write short stories with characters of my own creation and at the moment I'm writing the chapters to one of my stories called **_**Chrysalis**_**, which is why I don't get around to typing this up.**

**Skipping to a new subject – I want to thank everyone who reviews this, I read them all and sit there thinking "**_**Maybe I should reply to some of these" **_**but let me get it out right now that I'm an extremely socially withdrawn person – even with my friends. It's hard for me to say anything to anyone and I feel bad because some of you who review I genuinely want to say something, but I get nervous and then I can't think of anything to say.**

**For example. I'm sitting here typing up this author's note while the email from my beta [ Eternal-Dark-Eyes ] sits in its own little window waiting for me to find something to say. Needless to say I'll probably be staring at that email for a good two hours before any words come to my head. I always feel really bad for things like this – especially since I normally respond with **_**really **_**short answers that make me feel like a bad person.**

**God, this is really long isn't it? To think I can't reply to a specific person but I can say so much to a general group. I'm shutting up now – going to go reply to emails and then play Final Fantasy VIII. [I'm a ridiculously large Final Fantasy Fanboy. ]**

**`Vinu**

**P.S. Ahahahahaha… I need to pay attention when I submit things. I left some edits in it that I was supposed to take out.**


	12. Betrayed

Betrayed – Chapter 12.

_Why was he uneasy?_

To say the end of the mission had been awkward would have been an understatement. Even now, the Junior Bookman seemed uncomfortable. And not even just when he was around the Japanese teen – Kanda swore he saw the other jump out of his skin when Lenalee ran up to hug him.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, thinking Lavi to be overreacting. The hammer-wielder had no problem with sex _while_ they were going at it, but the moment they boarded the train at the end of their assignment – empty handed – the red-head went into an awkward silence. He wouldn't even look at Kanda. _The bastard_.

It was infuriating. Absolutely infuriating.

When the snowy-haired exorcist came to welcome him, Lavi looked on the verge of a heart-attack. Kanda could see the evident worry in Allen's eyes as he noticed the red head's odd behavior. The swordsman rolled his eyes and scowled as he watched them from across the dining hall. Really, how much more obvious could the red-head get? He seemed hell-bent on hiding it and was using the most _laughable_ way of masking it _ever_.

"Is there something the matter, Lavi?" Allen frowned, attention focused upon his friend and not the mountain of food he had beside him.

"Of course not." Lavi responded, laughing nervously.

The younger exorcist cocked an eyebrow, wondering if Lavi really believed he had actually fallen for such an apparent lie. "Did something happen during the mission?" He asked.

_Dear God_, the Junior Bookman went completely _rigid_.

"No, of course not Allen!" He quickly spat out too loudly.

"Lavi." Allen grimaced. "It is obvious that there is something wrong. Just tell me."

The hammer-wielder let his fake grin fall with a sigh and dropped his gaze to the table. "I don't really think I should talk about it." He mumbled unhappily.

"Why not?" The parasite-type exorcist tilted his head to the side in question.

Lavi didn't reply, making Allen sigh. How was he supposed to be satisfied with not knowing if the Junior Bookman was acting that way? What could have even happened that would have caused him to act like this? It wasn't like it was normal for Lavi to act this way, and whatever had caused this must have been really terrible.

"Did something happen with the Innocence?"

"No, there was no Innocence." Lavi answered quietly.

"Did something happen with… Kanda?" Allen's eyebrows knitting together as the other nodded. What could Kanda have done? Threaten hi—no, he did that _all_ the time. "What happened?"

"I have to go; the old panda probably has a ton of work for me." The Junior Bookman announced, standing abruptly and exiting as quickly as he could.

"What did you do to Lavi?" The snowy-haired exorcist asked, frowning as the swordsman took a seat on his bed.

"_Che. _Is _that_ all you wanted?" Kanda grimaced in turn as he pulled his shirt over his head. He'd figured it had to be something _important_ when the_ Moyashi_ had asked to talk to him. Well, that or sex. He had not expected some stupid question about the even _more_ stupid Junior Bookman.

"Well… no, but I do want to know." Allen said as he looked down at his hands, twining his fingers together.

"It's none of your goddamned business, _Moyashi_." Kanda hissed, pulling the tie from his hair. He ran his fingers through it, paying more attention to the knots than Allen.

"Lavi is my friend, so it is my business. He looked as if he was about to have a stroke just from talking to me."

"That's his problem, not mine. Ask him; don't bother me with this shit." The swordsman didn't even look at the other, choosing instead to focus on his hair. "Are you going to tell me what else you wanted to say, or do I have to kick your ass out of my fucking room?"

Kanda felt extremely uncomfortable and he couldn't explain why. There was no logical explanation – he didn't do anything. Well, maybe he had, but nothing he regretted or had second thoughts over. He didn't have a problem with sleeping with Lavi… Honest.

"Kanda, I'm not going to leave or say what I wanted until you tell me." Allen scowled, narrowing his steel gaze at the other. "So just say it – if you really don't care half as much as you say do, then it should be easy enough to just spit out." The snowy-haired exorcist was angry, yes, _without a doubt_. He hated that Kanda never said anything. It made it incredibly hard to deal with him. It was ridiculous, really. He'd never met _anyone_ as stubborn with their thoughts as Kanda was. Was it really so hard to say something when asked? Especially when it was about someone else? Who was he to decide the importance or if it was any of Allen's business?

"_Che_." The swordsman scoffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. But the words were suddenly stuck in his throat. He opened his mouth to say something, and grimaced when he nothing came out. He couldn't _find_ the words. They disappeared with the rest of his thoughts and he scowled, glaring at the other.

"Well?" The parasite-type asked, returning the glare.

Kanda glowered. He took a deep breath, and let the truth out before he could think about it. "I slept with him."

To say that Allen was shocked would have been an understatement. He was horrified. Appalled. Disgusted. _Betrayed_. All of those emotions pooled into his steel eyes, and it was painfully evident to the dark-haired teen. The snowy-haired exorcist looked away from the other, keeping silent for a long moment. His jumbled thoughts swam through his head at a million miles a second. He could feel tears stinging at his eyes. He shook his head, trying to shove everything from his mind.

The tension in the room grew at a ridiculous rate. It caught hold of their lungs and stole their breath in its firm grasp; suffocating them. Different emotions swirled around the room as if it were a large, pathetic melting pot. One little sentence had created the awkward silence – God only knew how many sentences it would take to fix it.

"What is it you wanted to say?" The swordsman asked so quietly that Allen almost couldn't hear him. He felt he had to say something, _anything _to break the silence. He diverted his gaze from the other's pained expression. It made his chest feel tight – as if someone was stepping on him with their full weight. He figured the look would go away if he said something.

It didn't.

_Why couldn't he say anything?_

Allen looked back up at the other, his expression even more pained. "N-No, it's nothing." He said quickly. How could he say it now? How could he tell Kanda _ever_? He couldn't. _You just made it clear that you have no feelings for me, but too bad I _love_ you_. He definitely couldn't say that.

"Then why the fuck are you still here?" The dark-haired exorcist hissed venomously. He wanted the other gone. _Now_. He didn't want to have to see that pathetic look on his face, and feel this ridiculous tightness in his chest.

The snowy-haired exorcist stared at him for a long moment, mouth slightly agape as if he were still in shock. Allen shook his head, as if he were trying physically rid himself of his thoughts as he turned away from the other and made his way to the door. He didn't say anything as he left, leaving the swordsman alone.

Kanda let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He let his eyes fall shut and he lay back against his bed. He had thought if the parasite-type exorcist left, he would have felt better. Yet the weight pressing down one his chest was still present.

_Why couldn't he admit it?_

There was no possible way he actually felt _bad_ for what he did. He didn't regret. He didn't regret _anything_. Not even if that thing made Allen give that broken, shattered look. _Not even then_.

A deep breath escaped his lips, and he rubbed at his temple with his thumb and forefinger, willing away the subtle headache. It was too much. It was ridiculous to have to deal with so much over such a stupid thing as sex.

He should have figured something like this would happen. Allen was so feminine physically; it should have been obvious he would be the same mentally. Overemotional and confusing… _Moyashi _did nothing but make his head ache.

The more he thought about the English teen, the more the nagging feel of guilt grew. He shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed. He _shouldn't_ feel sick with himself.

Yet even though he tried to convince himself by thinking such things over and _over_; he could almost feel the bile rising up his throat.

_Why was he so stubborn?_

Why did he care?

_Stop caring_.

He scolded himself.

_You shouldn't care – you _can't _care._

He pressed his hands over his eyes and let out an irritated groan.

_You don't care._

_No. Never. Ever._

He repeated his denial like a mantra. Over and over and _over_ until it drove him near _crazy _because it _wasn't_ true. It was _never _true. It never _would_ be true and it pissed him off. It _pissed_ him off that no matter what he couldn't deny those stupid, pointless, _foolish_ feelings and that they had always existed.

Every time he saw those large, innocent steel eyes.

Every time he saw that smile – that sweet, loving, sickeningly _fake_ smile. Or during the times he had a chance to run his fingers through soft white locks and kiss along soft pale skin.

Every time it reminded him of those feelings that made him _disgusted_ with himself.

He _couldn't_ care for him.

He couldn't. He just _couldn't_.

. . .

_Fuck_.

_Why was he ruining it all?_

_This has to end_.

**A/N: Ohmy**_**God**_**. I am a **_**horrible person**_**.**

**Please feel free to hunt me down and STONE ME TO DEATH. I knew this was in my inbox. I knew it was there for a while…. I would open it and stare at it, then shake my head and close it. Every time I looked at it – it just seemed like work to me and made me realize that I had to write the next chapter as well and I was just being downright **_**lazy**_**.**

**So I forgot about it – then I read the latest chapter and suddenly went: **_**OHSHITFUCK**_** half the day later. Sorry guys, it is lame for me to say I was distracted by Tyki Mikk's **_**ass**_** all day. **

**No. Seriously. Did you read the latest chapter? His ass was pretty much **_**everywhere**_ **and I definitely **_**did not **_**mind **_**at ALL.**_** But – there is no way you can make every part of his body THAT flattering and show it off in EVERY battle scene of his **_**WITHOUT **_**it being at least partially **_**intentional.**_** [Can you tell I love Tyki? Not as much as I love Kanda, but I still love the bastard Noah] **

**Anyway. If you haven't read D. Gray-Man lately, I highly recommend that you get on that so you can do what I have been doing for the past GODKNOWSHOWMANY chapters. **

**Look at the screen and go: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT. SERIOUSLY.**

**But, no, I love -Man. Any one of my friends who have to listen to me talk about it can vouch for me. They can also tell you that I almost never leave the house unless I have my Black Order Cross necklace around my neck. Anyway. I am shutting up now so maybe I can do something **_**PRODUCTIVE**_**. Like… say. Write the next chapter?**

**And thank my beta, Eternal-Dark-Eyes, for making this a **_**non-horrendous**_ **chapter.**

**`Vinu**


	13. Grief

"_There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love." – Washington Irving_

The pale-haired exorcist rubbed his eyes with his shirt sleeve. A frown weighed heavily upon his lips at the now-damp fabric. To be crying seemed so pointless now it almost made him chuckle. He had known full well that the situation with Kanda would never end as he wanted. Though, knowing was nothing in comparison to _feeling_ – and damn if he wasn't definitely feeling. Feeling surges of hurt and betrayal, even though he knew he shouldn't. There was never supposed to be _feelings_ involved – and yet despite the cliché, he had let feelings develop. He should have guessed something like this would happen. Some part of his mind probably had, and yet he had gone ahead and done it anyway. _God_, no wonder Kanda called him a moron.

Slate eyes glanced at his reflection in one of the large gaping windows of the Order's halls. A sad expression regarded him, and another sigh made its way from his lips. Once more, he wiped his eyes with his sleeves and looked back at his reflection. He reached out his hand, and pressed it to the cold glass. His fingers glided over the surface, tracing the reflection of his eyes, rimmed with a pale, crying red.

He felt a soft weight land on his head. A gold tail swished across his vision, and a smile formed on his lips. "Hello, Tim." He had left the golden golem behind when he had gone to Kanda's room – as he always did. Heaven forbid Timcanpy ever record something.

The golem nuzzled into his hair, his tail lightly swatting Allen's cheek. "What's that for?" The snowy-haired teen questioned with a huff. The only response he got was another gentle hit to the face. "Tim, stop it."

Timcanpy swatted at him again, and then proceeded to chew his hair.

"What do you want?" Allen asked the stubborn golem. The gold tail hit his eye and he exasperatedly pushed it from his face. The golem responded by smacking his wing against his head. Allen scowled, "Tim!"

Timcanpy nuzzled affectionately into his master's hair again, trying to get his point across. The English teen sighed, finally reaching up and picking the golem from his head. The golem bit his finger lightly, nestling into his hand.

"You can tell there's something wrong, can't you?" Allen asked, frowning as he watched the golem in his hands. Timcanpy flew out of the exorcist's hands and landed on his shoulder, one of his wings tapping the exorcist's cheek as a positive response.

Allen's gaze fell back on his reflection. He huffed and lifted his hand to brush a loose strand of hair from his eyes. It was obvious he was unhappy with the look he had. He scowled at his reflection and straightened his posture. He curved his lips for a smile – the most sincere he could muster. It was the best he could do.

Only partially satisfied, he turned from the window and began his way toward the dining hall.

"_In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." – George Orwell_

"Tim! That was my sandwich!" The snowy-haired teen lightly hit the golem – who was still chewing the last bite of the sandwich it had decided was its own.

"I've always wondered…" Began the hammer-wielding exorcist who sat across the table. He motioned toward Timcanpy as he continued. "Where does the food _go_?"

Allen stared at the golem, a stick of dango teetering from his lips. He said something in between bites that was completely unintelligible.

Lavi cocked an eyebrow at him, trying to work out what the other had said before giving up. "Sorry, '_mouthful_' is _not_ one of the languages I was taught. You're going to have to translate for me."

"I don't know where the food goes." Allen repeated during the brief moment between one swallowed bite and the next mouthful.

The golem shoved itself through the mountain of plates in search of something it favored while the snowy-haired exorcist watched quietly, chewing languidly.

"Allen, you don't look as happy as you normally do." Lavi stated, his cheek resting on his palm. "Well, I mean – you don't look horrible or anything, you just seem kind of sad… Is something wrong?"

Allen flinched, shaking his head and biting off another mouthful of food in an attempt to avoid answering verbally.

"_Allen_."

The parasite-type exorcist sighed. "It's nothing I can't get over myself, Lavi." He assured with an almost bitter smile. If he told Lavi, then the Junior Bookman would want to know more. If he explained to Lavi why he was upset with Kanda then the red-head would feel at fault. This gloom started when Kanda said what they had done, after all.

"Is it problems with Kanda?" The Junior Bookman asked, frowning.

"Not all of my problems come from him." Allen lied quickly, grabbing a stick of dango and taking a bite in an attempt to excuse his abruptness.

"Than what?"

The English teen didn't respond – he just continued eating. He reached for a bowl of rice only to notice a ball of gold in the center, steadily eating its way through the once heaping contents. He frowned as his stomach voiced its apparent disapproval – sometimes this got really irritating.

"Allen, don't ignore me. I'm being serious." Lavi sighed, pouting. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned forward.

"I'm not ignoring you," Allen responded. "I hear you – I just don't have an answer." He scanned the piled dishes surrounding him with a huff. Noticing they were all empty, he debated whether or not if he should go ask Jerry for more.

"You worry so much for others, yet you never let us worry over you." The hammer-wielder sighed.

"Where is this conversation coming from?" Allen questioned, growing uncomfortable. "Is it really necessary?"

Lavi exhaled slowly, and rested his chin on the table. "I'm just pointing it out because you're not telling me what's wrong and I think it's important to the situation."

The pale-haired teen grimaced. "It's not something I need to talk about. I'm perfectly fine."

"It _is_ something with Kanda, isn't it?"

"Lavi…"

"It's because of _that_ isn't it?" Lavi continued, sitting up. "Allen, I'm sorry, I really didn't –"

"_Lavi_." Allen interrupted. "It's fine." He stood and sighed. "It really is, trust me."

"_In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." – Sir Francis Bacon_

He let himself collapse onto his bed with a groan, covering his eyes with his arm. Timcanpy circled above him for a moment before settling on his stomach and making itself comfortable.

His free hand wandered down, patting the golem lightly. "I'm kind of fucked up, aren't I, Tim?" Allen asked, knowing the golem couldn't really fully participate in the conversation. "Emotionally, I mean."

Timcanpy bit his finger harshly in disagreement and sulked.

Moving his arm, he stared up at the ceiling and ran a hand through his hair absent-mindedly. Was he stupid to be hung up over this? He couldn't really find a bright side to the situation at all. Well, he supposed that it meant he wouldn't have to deal with the spitefulness that was so much a part of Kanda.

"I wonder if it's normal to be as emotionally detached as he is." He muttered as the golden golem took flight and circled above him. Allen sighed and reached his hand up in an attempt to catch Timcanpy. The golem easily evaded the half-hearted attempts of his capture.

"Even you're being hard to get." Allen huffed, giving up and resting his arm over his eyes once more. The feel of damp fabric surprised him and he moved his arm to wipe at his eyes, frowning at the feel of moisture.

"_Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn." – C.S. Lewis_

**A/N: Mygod. I really am a horrendous procrastinator. To be honest I have the next three chapters of this written out – I just need to type them up and get them corrected.**

**I don't know why I'm always put off by the idea of typing things up and finishing them when I'm so into writing them in general. This is why I decided two years ago it would be a bad idea to look into writing seriously. **_**Plus I'm not even that great of a writer**_**.**

**Uhm. So. I never actually ever meant for **_**Stages**_** to get this long. In fact, it was supposed to be a one-shot. I guess things kind of escalated.**

**I feel bad for so much angst-dramu but I swear I'm making it better. It's not my fault our two boys are such stubborn asses. **_**Especially Kanda**_**.**

**I'm really sick right now, actually – so I'm going to try and type up the next few chapters. But if the next few days go anything like today, I'm going to spend most of my time in bed sleeping off headaches and waves of nausea.**

**Also, I took some pictures last week during a convention of my Kanda cosplay. It's not the most amazing cosplay ever considering I actually **_**lost**_** [cue my rage here] part of my original cosplay. But I'm semi-proud of it. I had some girls fan over me, which was **_**pretty fucking awesome**_**.**

**Okay, shutting up now.**

**`Vinu**


	14. Apathy

"_We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves." –Fran__ç__ois de la Rochefocauld_

He was disinclined to leave his room. In fact, he did not leave at all after Allen had left. Nor did he leave the next morning. Or that afternoon – he hadn't planned on leaving at all that day. He was perfectly content sitting on his bed, staring at the broken stained glass window as if it were going to point him the way and tell him the meaning of existence. Yes, he was perfect there in the peace of his room—

_Knock, knock_.

_God-Fucking-Damnit_.

He let eyes fall shut, if he ignored it then they would go away. Unless it was Lavi; the fucker would let himself in. The knocking continued only twice more before he heard the click of the door's lock and a sour look made its way to his features.

"Kanda?"

If his eyes were open he would have rolled them. Who else would be in the swordsman's fucking room? Honestly, the red-head never ceased to fucking amazing him with the endless stupidity. What happened to Bookmen being intelligent? He continued to ignore Lavi, if it was important, the other would take it upon himself to continue the conversation.

"You haven't come out of your room all day."

Of course, it seemed Lavi would even continue a pointless conversation. "No shit." Kanda snapped. "What of it?"

"It's dinner." Lavi stated as if were obvious.

"_And_?" The Japanese teen opened his eyes to stare up at the other. "This better not be all you fucking came for." If it was, so help him _God_ he would cut out the Junior Bookman's tongue.

Lavi took a long, quiet pause. He leaned against the wall opposite the other's bed and took a deep breath. "Allen's unhappy."

"Oh, fucking _Christ_." Kanda rubbed at his temple with his thumb and forefinger. He should have fucking figured. All anyone bothered to bitch at him about lately was Allen's fucking happiness. As if there weren't more important things like – oh, _fuck_, I don't know… Maybe a goddamned war with the Millennium-_Fucking _-Earl and the akuma and the _fucking_ Noahs and people were _dying_. That seemed important. Allen-_Fucking_-Walker and his happiness should be the last of his – _their_ problems. Also – there are plenty of fucking unhappy people in the order – shit, in the fucking _world_, why not shift focus for three fucking seconds? All the talk about that God-forsaken _Moyashi _was making _Kanda_ unhappy.

"I'm serious, Kanda!"

"Get out of my fucking life." Kanda hissed. "_Please_."

"Kanda."

"I fucking said _please_." Figures, the one time he uses the goddamned word and it doesn't fucking _work_.

"That's not what I—"Lavi sighed and rethought his approach. "You told Allen what happened between us didn't you?"

"He asked." The Japanese teen stood from his bed, stretching his arms out in front of himself. "So I told him. Was it supposed to be a fucking secret?"

"_Yes_."

"With the way you were fucking acting it didn't seem like it." Kanda turned his icy gaze away from Lavi. "You looked as if you were about to shit yourself the day we returned – it was so fucking _obvious_ it was almost _painful_."

"Kanda, I didn't want Allen to find out because I knew he'd be _hurt_ by it." Lavi explained.

"That's his own fucking problem – bitch at him, not me."

"It's _your_ fault, Kanda!" Lavi scowled, temper flaring.

The swordsman turned on him, shoving the red-head hard against the wall. "It's _my_ fucking fault?" He hissed. "I'm not the one who told him to develop fucking _feelings_. It's his fault for being weak; don't blame that fucking shit on me."

The Junior Bookman rubbed the back of his head gingerly; having hit it against the wall when the other pushed him. "You really don't care at all, do you Kanda?" He asked, frowning. It was concerning to him. One friend looked as if he were about to break down while the other was completely devoid of sympathy. Or at least, Kanda said he was. He was never sure with him; sometimes he could swear he saw some form of hidden emotion in those eyes. As if the other was desperately hiding something from everyone. Now, however, all he could see was pure anger; anger for accusing the swordsman and blaming him or something else?

"_The moment people fall in love, they become liars_." – _Harlan Ellison_

"Why the fuck would I care?" Kanda snapped. "It's not _my_ fucking fault. The only reason I'm pissed about all this shit is because you _goddamned_ people won't leave me _alone_." He threw his hands up, and stalked across the room to sit back on his bed. He didn't understand why he had to care. Why the fuck should he care? It wasn't his fucking problem, it was Allen's. He didn't tell the snowy-haired exorcist to develop feelings and get overwhelmed by them.

"You're _part_ of it!" Lavi sounded exasperated – and he was. Kanda avoided everything so avidly; trying his damned hardest to be put in a position where he wasn't required to care and have an opinion. When he was stuck in a situation, he tried even harder to get out of it; to hell with others. Then, when he _did_ develop an opinion until he dug himself into the biggest fucking pit of denial. "Sure, you didn't force him to care about you, but you didn't _help_ at all. You aided the situation because both of you were selfish. Now Allen got hurt and you're the one making it worse with your _look-at-all-the-fucks-I-give_ attitude!"

"Fucking _Christ_, _Usagi,_ calm the fuck down." Kanda rolled his eyes at the hammer wielder.

"I will not _calm down_!" Lavi hollered. "I will not calm down until one of you fixes this bullshit because I refuse to sit here and watch it get worse!"

"Then shut the fuck up and leave, you won't have to deal with it then."

"So the two of you can go _ape shit_ on one another again? Fuck _that."_

"What the fuck do you expect _me_ to do, _Usagi_?"

"_Something_!" Lavi threw his hands up, covering his face with them. "Christ, do something other than acting like you don't give a flying fuck!"

"I _don't _gi—"

"That is _bullshit_. That is bullshit and you _know_ it." He shook his head, torn between more yelling and giving up on the swordsman. A sigh escaped his lips and he decided now would be a good time to give up before the other reached for Mugen. "Just… Do _something_. Apologize, break it off, _something_." He turned on his heels and made his way to the door. "Stop hiding the fact that you care – it doesn't make you weak, Yuu."

"_The ultimate choice for a man, in as much as he is given to transcend himself, is to create or destroy, to love or to hate_._" – Erich Fromm_

Kanda sighed, running his hand through his hair; fingers catching in the small knots. He let out an unhappy grunt as he worked at them. Once he was done, he dropped his hands to his lap, chewing on his bottom lip as he considered his actions. He was right – it _wasn't_ his fault. Sure, he might not have helped, but it wasn't his fault. What the fuck was he supposed to do about this shit? He didn't figure he should do anything about it; let the dumbass _Moyashi_ figure his shit out and leave Kanda be. That was logical – to him, at least. He lifted his hands to maneuver his hair into a low ponytail. He stood and paced slowly about his room.

He was sure Lavi wouldn't leave him the fuck alone unless he did something – and like-fucking-_hell_ he was going to do something _batshit _like apologizing. Why the moron even suggested it was beyond him. No, he'd do nothing of the sort. He would find the snowy-haired bastard and see him fucking straight before ending it; whatever the fuck _it_ was.

Decided, he left his room in search of the other exorcist, determined and pissed beyond all other emotions.

First – he checked the most logical place. The dining hall. Allen was a fucking human vacuum, for shit's sake. It was around dinner; so the swordsman had expected him there, shoving his face with everything that looked edible.

When he peered into the large room he found himself disappointed. He saw neither head of white hair nor a mountain of food towering toward the high ceiling.

The second place was the Moyashi's room. The swordsman stood in front of it; last minute arguments coming to the forefront of his mind. Why the fuck was _he_ the one doing something? Shouldn't it fucking be _Allen_, not him?

He considered turning around and walking on a straight path to his room when he remembered Lavi's annoying determination. One day he really would fucking kill that _Usagi_.

He sighed, summoning the most impassive face he could muster and lifting his hand to try at the doorknob. It was unlocked; as always. The fucking moron was never one for self-preservation. Kanda shoved the door open, loudly – so hard it swung closed behind him – and stomped in as if the room were his.

The noise apparently startled the room's occupant for the swordsman noticed Allen shoving himself from the floor, grumbling curses under his breath.

"Oi, _Moyashi_."

The English teen stiffened at the sound of his nickname. Slate eyes blinked up at him clueless for a moment before hardening to a glare. "What do you want, _Bakanda?"_

Scoffing the Japanese teen strode forward until he was centimeters away from the other. Defiant silver met glaring sapphire as the two stared one another down in a long silent moment.

"I'm sorry."

"_No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore." – Sigmund Freud._

**A/N: So. This time it's not going to be a: I was distracted by this and that excuse.**

**This time it's a; I was so distracted by **_**writing**_** the rest of this story that I forgot I hadn't posted up a new chapter. Right now I'm on chapter nineteen in my notebook. I've been writing constantly in fact I haven't done my homework in a week because of it.**

**Er, hmm… What should I say now? Well, thank you everyone for reviews. I really do appreciate them all and want you all to continue writing me more reviews. It's only because of you guys that I remember to post chapters and continue writing. I know a lot of you have been unhappy with Kanda lately in this – and probably for a while; he's kind of an ass {he's my favourite character, though}.**

**I'm planning on writing another multi-chapter after I finish this one. Do you guys think I should? **

**Again, thank you for the reviews, please continue giving more. And if not that just bear with me and continue reading.**

**`Vinu**


	15. Idiots

"_When we were children, we used to think that when we grew up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability, to be alive is to be vulnerable." - Madeleine L'Engle_

They stare at one another in silence. Neither moving nor daring to think of it. They stood so close to one another, trying to notice the other's thoughts. It was a moment so filled with awkward emotions it surpassed the normal boundaries of a situation one would call "awkward."

"Are you stupid?" The swordsman asked suddenly. His voice was cutting and cold and deciding. Deciding something the other did not know.

"What?" Allen frowned, taken off by the question and sudden breach of silence. "Where did that come from?"

"Where did the apology come from?"

The parasite type exorcist flinched at the mention of the apology he had not meant to voice. He could not answer the question as he himself did not know where it came from.

Kanda continued his partially-demeaning stare. He crossed his arms and waited for an answer; though he figured it would be just as stupid and pointless a reason as all the others the Moyashi gave.

"I don't know."

The Japanese teen scoffed. Maybe this was the stupidest reason yet. Did the other seriously delude himself into believing Kanda would let him off with that bullshit? "If you didn't know it wouldn't have come out, dumbass."

Allen knew that was true. He wondered why he thought that pitiful excuse would work. Chewing his lip, he began to come with a million excuses he could use – not one a viable reason for the apology. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I'm sorry for being an idiot." He stated simple. He could have gone on; could have said so many things at the end of that short sentence. _I'm sorry for being an idiot that cares. For being an idiot by getting hurt by what you did. An idiot who can barely look you in the eye_.

"If you're sorry then fix it." Kanda muttered.

"Wha—"

"If you're an idiot, fix it." He continued. "You're the only one who can control it. So control it. Being an idiot doesn't mean you're stupid – it means you don't know what the fuck you're doing and you're not even trying to take control of the problem." Kanda sighed as if talking this much were detrimental to his health. "If you hate being an idiot and you're sorry for it then it's simple. Stop being one."

Slate coloured eyes widened and it wasn't until the swordsman turned and left the room with a frustrated slam of the door did Allen snap out of his daze and take in what the other had said.

_Oh_.

"_All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered, the point is to discover them." – Galileo Galilei_

In truth, the two of them were both "idiots." The only problem was that neither realized it.

Neither knew what they were doing – they just allowed themselves to continue doing _whatever_. They even went so far as to allow themselves to believe they knew what they were doing. They did not attempt to solve the problem that they were both aware of. At times they believed they were solving it but that could not be farther from the truth. All they did was create more issues in the long-festering problem.

In fact, maybe it was suitable to say that they were both _worse_ than idiotic. They were both romantically retarded to the point it was painful to watch and even the stubborn Junior Bookman had begun to give up.

"_The human voice can never reach the distance that is covered by the still small voice of conscience." – Mahatma Ghandi_

They were cliché to the point of it becoming boring and yet somehow they stood out. They were the classic opposites attract.

One was sharp and stabbing while the other was soft and considerate. Where Kanda was cold and unforgiving, Allen was happy and kind. They were so different and yet they were not. They were night and day and yet contradicting to themselves. Allen was sometimes dark and rough while Kanda was lenient.

They didn't fit together like puzzle pieces – they chafed and bent like a piece that angered a confused child. They fought and never agreed because that meant pride was on the line and that was something they would _not_ give up. They were all but compatible and they didn't work at all and yet this did and it made no sense and they didn't know why.

It was this _why_ that turned them into idiots. That made them crazy with their thoughts. How did it work with so many contradictions? How were they supposed to deal with it and react? How could they be anything more than bumbling unstable idiots?

"_The question that sometimes drives me hazy; am I or the others crazy?_" Albert Einstein

**A/N: Have I mentioned I love you guys too much?**

**Seriously, I just posted the last chapter, but I just finished typing up this one and I kept thinking: GOD, I NEED TO GIVE IT TO THEM. I NEED TO.**

**Here you go. I don't like it that much. I honestly couldn't even remember writing it while I was typing it up. UGH. It gets better in the chapters after this. And this does have significance for Allen so. Yeah. Hng. I'msorryI'mafailure.**

**This is unbeta'd. Forgive any mistakes.**

**Fixed one mistake I notice after I posted this.**

**`Vinu**


	16. Frustration

"_If we knew each other's secrets, what comforts we should find." – John Churton Collins_

Everyone had their problems – it was something he had realized long ago. All people had issues – it was the nature of people. They hit a problem and they would overcome it. Sometimes, they would need assistance getting over these hill-like road bumps and sometimes they would refuse the help and try to climb them on their own. It was just how people worked. He realized this and accepted it.

What irritated him still, to this day, was when people denied they had a problem all together and completely refused to face it even when others were hurt. _That_ is what truly pissed him off. Especially when they continued this denial when told upfront about the issue. That was what he was dealing with at the moment that so angered him.

The Junior Bookman swore that he would eventually get so fed up by it that he would commit the murder of a Japanese exorcist. Morals be damned. Kanda was far too stubborn. So stubborn that Lavi's everlasting patience was running so thin he couldn't even muster up the will irritate the swordsman.

"Lavi?"

His green eye blinked and focused on the dark-haired woman in front of him. Lenalee was giving him a questioning look and he returned it.

"You were spacing out." She informed him, taking a seat opposite him in the library. "What were you thinking of?"

"It's nothing." The red-head mumbled, eyes landing on the book in his lap that he had forgotten in his thinking. He flipped through the pages, making it as if he were paying attention.

"It is _not_ nothing." The Chinese teen sighed. "What is it with all of you lately? I'm not the clueless woman that you, Allen, and Kanda seem to think I am." She rubbed at her temple with her thumb and forefinger, tired and worrying too much and being told too little. "It's about them isn't it?"

"So I'm not the only one irritated by it?" Lavi was almost relieve by that.

"What's happened now?"

The Junior Bookman shut the book with a sigh. He wondered if he should tell Lenalee or if he should keep it to himself.

"I can tell you're thinking about telling me." The girl scowled, her lips then forming into a pout. "I think I deserve to know, don't you figure?"

Lavi frowned. "Fine." He conceded before telling her the entire situation. He didn't really believe in telling about others' problems; this situation wasn't something he figured should be told to others. However, Lenalee was _Lenalee_. She was understanding and king and worried too much – the one person who _should _be told if something was wrong with her close friends.

"_Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden." - Phaedrus_

The Chinese teen leaned back in her chair, her fingers twirling a lock of hair aroun her finger. "Those two are a walking trainwreck." She said quietly once Lavi as finished. "I wonder if they realize how bad they are making things."

"Kanda doesn't." Lavi sighed. "Or at least, he denies it." He reached up, tugging at his headband until it fell around his neck. "Allen probably realizes it."

"So it's Kanda's stubbornness that is the problem at the moment."

"As always."

"There has to be something we can do."

The Junior Bookman leaned his head back, taking in the ceiling as he thought. Kanda would never accept that he'd done something; as he'd already proved. Allen was more lenient – but he would never allow others to burden themselves with his problems. The two of them were similar in their stubbornness, they refused to let go of it and maybe sometimes it was a good thing. Now was not one of those times, however.

"We could try talking to them once more." Lenalee sighed when she couldn't think of any other ways. "They're so stubborn but they'll have to admit something eventually. Allen has already admitted his feelings."

"Kanda would rather kill himself." Lavi pointed out. "Even at the expense of others."

"I'll try talking to him?" The Chinese teen offered.

"We could just leave them to figure it out."

"You mean leave them to kill each other?" Lenalee questioned, raising and eyebrow.

"Allen will probably figure it out."

"It Kanda would let him."

Lavi sighed, closing his eye and rummaging through his mind for a solution. "If anything goes wrong they'll just end up beating the shit out of each other." He muttered, raising his hand to rub at his forehead. "But maybe that's what they need, to beat each other up. It'll get out their stress."

"Are you saying we throw them in a room and _let_ them kill each other?" Lenalee sounded appalled by this idea, making the Junior Bookman chuckle.

"Not _kill_." He corrected. "Just injure."

"Like they'll understand the difference!" Lenalee huffed, thinking the idea was completely ridiculous. "We are _not_ doing that, Lavi."

"Fine, but we'll have to figure out something." Lavi frowned. "I guess we could try talking _one more_ time, but if it doesn't work I will put up my vote for the beating-the-shit-out-of-each-other plan."

"_Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; nothing is more difficult than understanding him_." – _Fyodor Dostoevsky_

**A/N: Hey, I'm getting better at this.**

**This was a short one in the point-of-view of Lavi. I haven't done the point of view of anyone other than Kanda or Allen for an entire chapter. At first I thought it would be difficult two write in Lavi's point of view until I remember how he felt about the minds of human beings and realized how much easier it would be. [I have the same thought process]**

**Hum… so I'm writing the last of the chapters up. That's right, we're about done with this story. As soon as this one is done, I'm hoping to start my next one, which I'm brainstorming in between typing up these chapters.**

**`Vinu**

_**This chapter is unbeta'd.**_


	17. Convincing

"_Try again, fail again. Fail better." – Samuel Beckett_

The red-head burst into Allen's room, startling the other and earning a yelp. "Hey, Allen!" He chirped happily.

The parasite-type exorcist stared at the other. "Hello, Lavi." He greeted quietly; suspecting the other came to bother him about Kanda. He was also upset about the fact that lately people seemed to forget what _knocking_ was.

"How have you been?"

Allen cocked an eyebrow. There was no way Lavi came only to have conversation. "I'm fine." He responded. "What do you want?"

"Just wanted to see how you were." The Junior Bookman joined the other sitting on his bed, backs pressed to the wall. He gave him a smile but Allen could tell he had ulterior motives.

"What else do you want?" He questioned, cautiously unsure if he really wanted to know.

"Have you talked to Kanda?"

The English teen couldn't help but roll his eyes. He should have figured. "Yes, I have actually – and you really don't need to help with it, Lavi."

"Well, I can't help but worry with the way you two are going." Lavi mumbled with a frown. "You're both a train wreck, I swear."

"Thanks." Allen said sarcastically. "But I think I've got what to do now."

The red-head cocked an eyebrow. "How?"

"_I believe humanity was born from conflict. Maybe that's why in all of us lives a dark side. Some of us embrace it, some have no choice. The rest of us fight it. And in the end, it's as natural as the air we breathe. At some point, we're forced to face the truth… ourselves." – Penelope Garcia_

The snowy-haired teen raised a hand to rub at his temple as he gathered the words. "I've been an idiot. I ran into a problem and I didn't know what to do and so I didn't really try to do anything helpful. I kept myself in my rut. So I need to stop being an idiot – I'm one of the only ones who can control it, so I'm going to."

"Yeah; but how?" Lavi questioned.

"I don't know yet; but I need to figure it out myself." Allen said. "I think I'll be okay, though, so you don't have to worry." He gave an assuring smile, hoping it would convince the Junior Bookman. To be honest, he really didn't know exactly what he would do. What could he do? He could just abandon it; but that would be running away from the problem. Though if he tried to sever his feelings it would probably be better. Continuing with his feelings would be pointless if Kanda didn't feel the same. And of course he didn't. He must have been silent for a long time because the red-head was regarding him with a concerned expression. Allen offered him a smile, but the look he was getting didn't leave. "What is it, Lavi?"

"You like him, right?" Lavi questioned, bringing his knee up to rest his cheek on it. "Yuu?"

Allen grimaced, silver eyes focusing on the bed sheets. "I do, but it doesn't really matter."

"I think he likes you too."

The British teen scoffed.

"At least cares." The hammer wielder corrected. "A weird, crude way of caring."

"Not likely."

"You know how sheltered he makes his feelings." Lavi sighed. "He won't even admit when he's tired let alone when he cares for someone."

"But he _doesn't_ care." Allen corrected almost bitterly. "So there's nothing I can do."

"Well, he never left his room the other day." The red-head explained. "And I think I'm correct in assuming you talked to him before he decided to hole himself up." He wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest. "He was all pissy and stuff, too – well, _more_ pissy... and violent."

"That doesn't mean he cares; it just means I annoy him."

"Oh, _Christ_." Lavi rubbed at his temples with his thumb and forefinger. "You two are both so stubborn it's impossible. Can you please at least try to see things from another point of view?"

The snowy-haired exorcist huffed. "I just don't see how it could happen, Lavi. He hates me."

"If he hated you, he wouldn't sleep with you." Lavi explained. "You know how Kanda is with his pride and tradition. Do you really think he'd sleep with just anyone?"

"He slept with you." Allen pointed out.

"Because his pride was at stake." The red-head sighed. "He did it to prove he didn't care about you – not that I believed him afterward."

"I still don't really see it."

"Have you asked him?"

"Of course not." The British teen squeaked out.

"Then ask him." Lavi pushed himself from the bed, taking a moment to stretch. "Do you really have anything to loose from it?"

"_You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." – Eleanor Roosevelt_


	18. Confronting

"_I didn't have anything against them, and they never did anything wrong to me, the way other people have all my life. Maybe they're just the ones who have to pay for it." – Perry Smith_

"If you are here to talk about the idiot _Moyashi_ then just leave now." Kanda hissed without opening his eyes, irritated that the Chinese teen was interrupting his meditation.

"I'm not leaving." Lenalee answered as she sat next to the other, folding her legs with a sigh. "I need to talk to you."

"_Che_, you don't _need_ to."

"Kanda, you're hurting him."

"That's his fucking fault."

"Stop acting like you don't care!" The dark-haired girl scolded. "I know you're strong and have your pride – caring won't ruin that. Right now all you're doing is being stubborn to a fault. You are hurting others because you won't accept anything. Where's the _strength_ in that?"

There was a long silence. Kanda grit his teeth so hard it hurt and he let out a strained breath. No one was really making this easy; it was if they were all _trying_ to piss him off. "There's nothing to accept." He muttered bitterly.

"Then why do you get so upset when someone brings him up?" Lenalee asked, arching an eyebrow even though the other hadn't opened his eyes. "You tensed right up when the conversation started."

The swordsman scoffed. "Because _you_ and that damned _Usagi_ keep fucking _bothering_ me about him. It's fucking annoying." Cobalt eyes opened, glaring at the other. "I'm not in denial about anything."

"So you really don't care."

"_Really_."

"Liar."

"How am I a fucking _liar_?"

The Chinese girl sighed as she reached up to run a hand through her hair. "If you _really_ didn't care; you would have just ignored me instead of trying to prove you aren't in denial. I'm not stupid, Kanda, I know how you work; I've known you long enough."

"_Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed." – G.K. Chesterton_

The swordsman was asleep when Allen knocked on the door. He stayed asleep as Allen discovered the door was unlocked and let himself in. The parasite-type exorcist approached the other's bed quietly, sitting at the end of it and contemplating whether or not he should wake Kanda or leave. The swordsman looked peaceful, as the cliché goes, and Allen wasn't sure he wanted to disturb that and face whatever wrath would be aimed at him.

"What are you doing?" The Japanese teen hissed, causing the other to jump.

"I…" Allen chewed on his bottom lip. "I… I need to ask you a question."

Kanda rolled his eyes, scoffing. What was this fucking important? It must have been the middle of the fucking night, if the darkness of the room was anything to go by. Not that Kanda's room was ever especially bright. Moonlight barely made its way through the stained glass; only enough to allow the occupants to see faint outlines of one another and basic details, Allen's hair being an exception; the white locks clearly visible and shining in a way that they were almost glowing.

"Do you need to ask me _now_?"

"I couldn't sleep." The British teen defended so quietly the swordsman almost missed it.

"So you had to wake _me_ up?" Kanda arched and eyebrow, crossing his arms in front of his chest. When he saw the other frown he scowled. What the fuck _ever_. "What did you need to ask, baka _Moyashi_?"

Allen's frowned deepened. "Well…" He diverted his gaze to the floor as if he were suddenly second-guessing himself. The Japanese teen sat up, looking irritated beyond all reason.

"_Christ, Moyashi_; I swear if you don't say it and you just woke me up for fucking _nothing_ I will _murder_ you." He was pissed with the other enough as it was without being woken up for pointless reasons.

The snowy-haired exorcist rubbed the back of his neck, exhaling a deep breath before meeting Kanda's glare. He flinched and did his best to calm his nerves. All of his preparation was taking too long in Kanda's opinion because he made a frustrated noise akin to a growl and the anger in his stare deepened. Obviously, it was a stupid idea to ever interrupt Kanda Yuu's sleep.

"Well," Allen tried to find the words. "What… do you think of me?"

The dark-haired teen might have killed him. _Might have_—it was sorely tempting. This was the bullshit he was woken up for you _had_ to be _shitting_ him. Not even the fucking _Usagi_ was stupid enough to wake him up for crap like that.

"I think you're a fucking brainless _Moyashi_ with a useless hero-complex that's going to get himself killed because he's too fucking stupid to realize that he needs to watch his ass so others don't have to worry about him; and I might fucking _kill_ you for walking me up."

The look on the other's face confused the swordsman. He looked more curious and somewhat relieved after hearing this.

"So," Allen began. "Do you worry for me, Kanda?"

Kanda's mind went blank. Shattered. What the _fuck_? Was the _Moyashi_ fucking _retarded_? "Of course I fucking don't, why the fuck would I?" He spat out defensively.

"You said—"

"You're a fucking moron, _Moyashi_."

"_Allen_."

"Idiots don't deserve my recognition." Kanda hissed angrily. God, were they really having this fucking argument? He could be sleeping.

"I'm not an idiot." Allen huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "How do you figure I'm one?"

The Japanese teen rolled his eyes. "I already said; you have a fucking hero complex that's going to get you killed because you're too worried about everyone else to protect your own fucking self. So in the end everyone else ends up worrying about you and you don't let anyone fucking help because you're so goddamned _stupid_ and stubborn and half the time I want to fucking _strangle_ you."

"So you _do_ worry for me." The snowy-haired exorcist looked almost smug and Kanda swore he could see a smile forming on those lips.

"I don't fucking worry." He grit out, frustrated beyond belief. Kanda Yuu did not worry – for anyone; especially some shit-stupid _Moyashi_.

"But you said it frustrates you how stubborn I am about my problems and how I don't let anyone help." Allen explained. "Why would it frustrate you if you didn't care or worry?"

"_Oh, what a tangled web we weave; when first we practice to deceive." – Sir Walter Scott_

The swordsman was at a loss. Well fuck – what did he say to that? And shit the _Moyashi _looked so fucking pleased with himself about it. He wanted to wipe that fucking look from his goddamned face; _fuck_. "You're a fucking idiot. Why would I fucking worry for you?"

"_The lady doth protest too much, methinks._ You're running out of defenses, Kanda, I think I've heard that "argument" several times before."

Kanda grit his teeth; fuck, why was the fucking _Moyashi_ so fucking irritating? Jesus-_fucking _-Christ, was everyone trying to prove this bullshit lately? It was beyond fucking ridiculous by now – it was fucking _sickening_. Even if he did care for the _Moyashi_; whose fucking business was it other than his own?

Not that he did.

He didn't.

_Fuck_.

And goddamnit the snowy-haired exorcist was fucking _smirking_; the bastard.

He reached out, his hand cupping the back of the other's head. The action was rewarded with a look of surprise before Kanda fisted his fingers in the pale locks and yanked Allen forward, crushing their lips together.

_Fuck it all_.

"_I have found a paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." – Mother Theresa_

**A/N: I don't know if you've noticed but I really enjoy the word "fuck" and all of its forms.**

**I made Allen quote Queen Gertrude from **_**Hamlet**_**. So sue me.**

**But, also, I guess it was noticed last chapter I quoted Penelope Garcia – if you don't know who that is, it's a character from a television show called **_**Criminal Minds**_**. If you **_**really**_** look at all of the quotes I use – every single one was used on the show at one point or another.**

**Why? I'm really bad at looking for quotes and **_**Criminal Minds**_** uses a shit ton.**

**Anyway, I think you'll be glad to know I have completely finished writing **_**Stages**_**. All I need to do now is type them all up. Yes, that does mean there is an end to this story.**

**You know, I always thought the people who wrote more than 10 chapters for a fanfiction were **_**ridiculous**_**. Well, now I can't think **_**that**_** anymore; **_**Stages**_** will end at exactly 20.**

**Beta'd by my friend; my own personal **_**baka Moyashi**_**.**


	19. Confession

"_Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black_ _flag, and begin to slit throats." – H.L. Mencken_

The kiss was all tongues and teeth and desperation. At some point, someone bit too hard and the kiss turned red with the taste of copper. There was hair-pulling and crushing their bodies together so much it could have been painful. No part of it was gentle or heartwarming. It was rough and fighting; just like they were. Just like they would _always_ be.

Soon, clothes were discarded – _destroyed – _buttons ripped off in their impatience until it was skin against skin. How long had it been since they'd done this? It seemed like years. Longer even. _Too long. _Much too long and they couldn't move fast enough.

Their kiss broke and there was a pause to regain needed breath. The snowy-haired exorcist shifted on the other's lap, pressing their hips closer and let out a breathless moan. Kanda had one hand still tangled in white locks while the other gripped a pale hip as they ground together. The swordsman's lip trailed down Allen's neck before they stopped at his collarbone; nipping and biting and marking – earning a quiet groan from the other.

Mismatched hands ran through raven locks, tangled to pull Kanda's head back. The British teen pressed their foreheads together, earning and impatient grunt from the other. The Japanese teen tilted his head until their lips pressed together, a bit gentler and less rushed than any of the others.

Allen's hands fell from the swordsman's hair and he shifted his arms to warm around the other's neck. They parted for a short moment and Kanda sighed contentedly before reinitiating the kiss and lowering them both down on the bed.

"_Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable." – William Shakespeare_

"Kanda?"

The response was a tired scoff as the swordsman draped his arm over his eyes. He felt the mattress shift as the other moved, resting his head on the older teen's chest.

"That wasn't an answer." Allen pointed out.

"What do you want, _Moyash_—"

"_Allen_."

"What do you want?" Kanda ignored the other's correction completely, making the snowy-haired teen scowl.

"_Well_, now I want you to call me _Allen_." The parasite-type exorcist mumbled bitterly.

"I already told you I don't recognize idiots." The Japanese teen explained, moving his arm from his eyes to rub at his temple with his thumb and forefinger. "How many times are you going to make me say it?"

"When I came to the Order _you_ said if I survived a month you'd remember my name, _Bakanda_."

"I remember it; it doesn't mean I'm going to call you by is, _Moyashi_."

Allen scowled and sat up. "Such an ass, _Bakanda_." He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly. "You have no reason not to call me Allen."

"I don't recognize idiots," Kanda grit his teeth. "That's my reason."

"I'm not an idiot, _Bakanda_!"

"_You_ say." He stared at the other, eyebrow raised. "I thought I already explained why you're an idiot – and _because_ you're an idiot, I won't call you by your name."

"Call me Allen." The snowy-haired exorcist insisted.

"No."

"_Call me Allen_."

"I already said no, _Moyashi_." Kanda scowled, turning on his side to face away from the other. "Now shut up; I'm going to sleep."

Allen made an undignified whining noise before he laid himself over the swordsman, chin resting on the other's shoulder. "Call me Allen."

Kanda scoffed, not opening his eyes as he shoved the other off of him without so much as a verbal response. Like hell he would call the idiot by his name.

"_Bakanda_." Allen mumbled, "Just once."

The swordsman turned his head to stare up at the snowy-haired exorcist with contempt. "_Moyashi_."

"_Allen_." The British teen corrected. "A-L-L-E-N."

"_Mo-Ya-Shi_." Kanda hissed. "I will kick your ass out of my room. Shut _up_." With that he closed his eyes once more.

Allen frowned, the look of a pout slowly crossing his features. He contemplated whether or not this was worth the risk to continue pushing. It was.

"Are you afraid your accent will mess it up?"

"_What_?"

"Well, obviously it would be difficult to say my name correctly given that you have an accent. Not a horribly strong one – but enough of one. It's not as if you ever really call anyone by their name – especially Lavi or me." Allen explained. "I've heard you say 'Lenalee,' but even then it's rare. We all have 'l's in our names, so…"

"_Che_, stop spouting your bullshit, _Moyashi_." Kanda insisted, the other was slowly grating on his nerves. "I say plenty of things with 'l's in them. I don't call you by your name because you're _stupid_."

"So mean, _Yuu_."

"_Confession is always weakness. The grave soul keeps its own secrets, and takes its own punishment in silence." – Dorothea Dix_.

There was a long silence. The Japanese teen had sat up, eyes narrowed as if weighing whether or not it was worth it to _strangle_ the little bastard. "_What._"

"I said you are mean." The snowy-haired exorcist replied. "_Yuu_."

"_Don't_ call me that." Kanda ordered.

"Why, Yuu?" Allen questioned. "It's your name and I figure I should get to call you by it."

"How do you figure _that_?"

"Because I… Because… We…" The British teen paused. "Because I do, _Yuu_."

"No you don't, shut up or I'll cut out your tongue."

"Call me Allen, then."

"You've got to be _shitting_ me, Moyashi." The stubbornness was beginning to piss him off. Why was this _so_ fucking important? All he wanted was to fucking _sleep_ and the idiot was keeping him from that with his name bullshit. It was fucking _stupid_.

"Call me Allen or I won't shut up and I'll keep calling you _Yuu_." The snowy-haired exorcist was determined. He was sick of being called _'Moyashi_._'_

"You're being stubborn, _Moyashi_." Kanda muttered. "And not in a good way, shut up and let me sleep."

"My name is _Allen_."

"_Che,_ you are so _annoying_." He rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his hair with an irritated sigh. "You're damned lucky I haven't kicked you out of my fucking room."

"I'll stop if you call me by my name – just _once_." Allen urged, laying on his stomach; propping himself up on his elbows.

The swordsman sighed, staring at the other. With a scowl he shook his head. "Fine, but if you ever ask me again I will _gut_ you." He threatened.

The British teen grinned, not able to hide his happiness.

Kanda lay back down, staring at the other for a long moment. Another sigh escaped his lips and he reached his hand up to rub at his temple. "What did you want, _Allen_?"

Steel eyes widened, a flush coloured his cheeks at the sound of his name. He buried his face in the pillows to hide it. He decided he like it; being called Allen by the swordsman. The way he said his name, accent marring it from 'Allen' to '_Aren_.' Something about that and the way it sounded on the rough voice made him embarrassed – he was almost ashamed of how he felt like no more than a teenage girl with her first crush.

"_Oi_, what are you doing, idiot?" Kanda hissed, eyebrows knit together. All he did was say the brat's name and he turned into some flustered woman.

The snowy-haired exorcist shook his head, not wanting to lift it until the blush disappeared from his cheeks.

"_Moyashi_."

Allen sighed against the pillow. He almost forgot that it was only once. He lifted his head, a frown now painted over his lips. "What, _Bakanda_?"

"_What did you want_?" The dark-haired exorcist questioned; wanting to know why he was bothered in the first place.

The British teen blinked, not registering at first. "_Oh_."

Kanda stare at the other, eyebrow raised. "Oh, what, _baka Moyashi_?"

"Well, I kind of forgot." Allen admitted, his face returning to the pillow.

"You are _such_ a dumbass, _Moyashi_." The swordsman hissed. Little fucker.

There was no response from the snowy-haired exorcist and for a moment; the other thought maybe he had fallen asleep.

"_Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask and he will tell you the truth." – Oscar Wilde_

"Kanda."

He had just been on the verge of sleep when he heard Allen speak his name. It irritated him and he was half tempted to ignore it. Half. "What?"

"Do you really hate me so much?" The British teen didn't lift his head from the pillow, hiding his face. He figured the answer would be yes; he really didn't know why he asked. Maybe just to give him some momentary hope.

Kanda sighed, his irritation not dissipating. "If I hated you, you wouldn't be in my room right now, moron."

Allen lifted his head, staring at the other curiously. It was a sad curiosity. "But you don't like me or anything." He stated knowingly.

"What is this so fucking important?"

The snowy-haired exorcist chewed his bottom lip. "Because…" Should he say why? Was it unavoidable? Probably not – but maybe he would have to say it eventually… So why not now? He'd already admitted it to Lavi and Lenalee. Might as well. "Because I… I like you."

Kanda stare at him; almost disbelieving. He didn't say anything, a frown printed to his lips. He didn't know why it derailed him so badly. It wasn't as if he hadn't realized it; he'd known damn well. Yet it still shocked him a little. Not a little; a lot.

Fuck.

"_We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." – Plato_

Kanda hasn't said anything. The other began to panic despite himself; maybe he shouldn't have said anything. Not maybe – he _shouldn't_ have said anything.

"Sorry."

"For what?" The swordsman arched an eyebrow. Was the moron _really_ apologizing for saying that? _Honestly_? It irked him, to say sorry for that. Fucking idiot.

"For saying that." Allen buried his face in the pillow again. It was his only defense.

"You really are a dumbass." The Japanese teen hissed. "Lift your head, _Moyashi_."

The snowy-haired teen shook his head, letting out a muffled grunt against the pillow. He was too ashamed to lift his head.

"_Che, Moyashi_, lift your head, annoying prick."

When that yielded no results, Kanda scowled. "_Moyashi_."

Again he got no response. He grimaced, deciding another tactic. The stupid bastard. "_Allen_."

The British teen's head shot up, eyes wide. "Wh-what?"

"_Che_, finally." The swordsman scoffed, grabbing the other's chin forcefully before leaning down and crushing their lips together.

"_Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength." – Ralph W. Sockman_

**A/N: So. I'm an awkward teen who writes during math class. That is why you don't get a full sex scene. It was bad enough writing the **_**beginning **_**of a sex scene when a kid you barely know sitting next to you looking at your notebook every few minutes.**

**I swear if he managed to read any of my writing I would never be able to hide my shame and embarrassment. **

**Also; my mind cannot comprehend ever typing the word initiating. I had to retype it six times before I got it right. The 'i's fuck me up.**

**Annnd. Microsoft Word corrected "Bakanda" to "Banana." I will never forget that now, even though I added "Bakanda" to the dictionary.**

**There are a few things I've had to add to Word's dictionary because of this: Bakanda, Kanda, Yuu, Lavi, Lenalee, Moyashi, Che, Oi, Baka, etc.**

**Anyway – there's only one more chapter left guys. I'm a bit sad to say I won't be writing this anymore. Are you guys sad to see it go?**

**I can say, I have officially finished most of the planning for the next story and have the first chapter/prologue done. I hope you will be happy with it; it's an AU. It's not some school setting or reincarnation or anything [not that those are bad, there are just quite a few of those already out there]. I think I'm going to call it **_**Euthanasia**_**.**

**This chapter is unbeta'd.**

**`Vinu**


	20. Falling  End

**Author's Note: It's a day late, I'm sorry – I didn't know I would be spending the night at a friend's house.**

**I finished typing this yesterday morning but had to send it to my beta and then leave for a photoshoot in Kanda cosplay. [Probably the best Kanda pictures I've ever taken]**

**So, this is the end. The final chapter. I'm a bit sad, but I have a new Yullen out now and I'm in the process of typing up the first chapter and writing the second. I hope that you will all read that and enjoy it. **

**Bye.**

**`Vinu**

"_Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different. Yet, tomorrow is too often a repetition of today." –James T. McKay_

Falling is never a pleasant thing. The feeling of falling can jerk people from a deep sleep. The feeling that nothing is beneath you – that nothing can save you.

It is the feeling of losing that which supports. And so you fall. You can feel the rush of wind around you as it moved out of your way, bidding you farewell as you go down. Down to what? The ground. The end; the crushing, overwhelming feeling.

Maybe that's why the term is "falling in love."

You loose all emotional support you have. You are dropped – all of your reasoning has abandoned you and if, by the end, you can list every reason for your love then you haven't fallen far enough. You are _not_, in fact, in love; you are in _like_. To fall in love is to _fall_. You _lose_ reasoning, you do not know why because your emotional support has left you.

The crush of water as you hit the end is the love. It is overwhelming and you don't know what is happening because everything is ending around you. Ending in emotion, crushing and suffocating you and just generally overwhelming you and you can't help it can you? You can only lay there and drown. Maybe you try to swim; but you have broken everything. So you can only thrash uselessly because you can only do that. It is struggling and so you struggle. Or maybe you lay there and let yourself drown.

Regardless, you're lost because you cannot win against falling.

You are human so you cannot fly.

_You can only fall_.

"_Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility, for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all thing are possible." – Thomas A. Kempis_

Maybe it wasn't perfect. No scratch that it _definitely_ wasn't perfect. There was no mutual confession. There was never a need for the three work sentences professing like and love – that wasn't for them and that night was the one time it was ever said. They understood well enough – or came to understand, for the most part. They didn't miraculously stop their argument – they fought verbally and physically every change they got. That was just them.

Some time after that night, they found themselves on a train bound for Italy; an assignment unlikely to yield innocence, but they were exorcists and it was their job to go after everything they could. Why not risk it, after all.

Steel eyes were focused out the window, watching the clouded sky.

The swordsman sat across from him, eyes closed and arms crossed in front of his chest. He let out a long breath, sick of waiting for the train to arrive at their destination.

Allen's gaze turned to him, observing him quietly.

"What do you want, Moyashi?"

"Nothing."

"_Che_."

The snowy-haired exorcist almost smiled. He stood and crossed the compartment to sit next to Kanda. When heard the other let out an irritated grunt, he chuckled. A long comfortable silence passed over them; the Japanese teen opened his eyes finally, staring down at the other, studying the thoughtful expression.

"What are you thinking?"

Allen was startled by the sudden question. "We're pretty odd, aren't we?" He asked, looking up at the other.

"_Che_, what are you spouting?" Kanda arched an eyebrow.

"I mean…" The parasite-type exorcist bit his lower lip in thought. "We aren't really… We don't act like those normally do in this situation."

"What situation?" Honestly, the fucking Moyashi made no sense sometimes.

"Our situation." Allen sighed. "You know what I mean."

"_Che_, is there a problem with it?" The swordsman questioned, arms dropping from their crossed position, hands landing on his knees. He didn't understand the point of what the other was saying.

"I suppose not."

"Then what's the point of saying it, _baka Moyashi_?"

A pout crossed the parasite-type exorcist's lips. "You asked what I was thinking."

He let out a breath before quickly adding, "And for the love of _God_ my name is _Allen_."

"Your name is moron for all I care." Kanda scowled, rolling his eyes. "I told you that name thing was a _one_-time deal and if you asked me again I'd murder you." Honestly, the stupid _Moyashi_ would never get over it. It was just a name.

Allen propped up his leg on the train seat, resting his chin on his knee and getting lost in thought again.

"Oi." The Japanese teen interrupted. When he got no response he grimaced, idiot Allen. He reached his hand up and smacked the back of the other's head. "_Moyashi_."

Steel eyes glare up at him as the British teen rubbed at his head. "What was that for, _BaKanda_?" He grumbled unhappily.

"You think too much," was Kanda's simple response.

Allen arched an eyebrow. "Maybe you just think too little."

"_Che_, idiot." The swordsman hissed. "You think too much; it gets you stressed."

"Since when do you care if I'm stressed?"

"_Don't forget that I cannot see myself – that my role is limited to being the one who looks in the mirror." – Jacques Rigaut_

"I never said I cared."

"You just—"The snowy-haired exorcist sighed. The other was impossible, "Idiot."

Kanda grunted in response, resting his forehead against the window of the train cabin. "I don't care, not that much. You get irritating when you're stressed."

"Gee, _thanks_." Allen muttered. "I'd say you're irritating when you're stressed; but you're always stressed so I guess mentioning it would be pointless."

"You just mentioned it." The swordsman heard an irritated scowl and smirked.

Silence settled between them. It wasn't awkward or tense, it was just silence; comfortable and content and there – there to piss Kanda off.

"You're thinking." He hissed.

"I'm sorry I'm not you; stupid enough to just _stop_ thinking." The British teen replied. "It's a habit for those with an IQ in the double digit range."

"_Che, Jackass_." Kanda glared down at the other, "Stop thinking about stupid things."

"Everything constitutes as stupid to you."

"Everything you think about."

"So – you're stupid? Because I think about you."

"_Che._ Just shut up, moron." The swordsman scowled, crossing his arms once more in his frustration.

"You're the one who started it, _Bakanda_."

"_Oi_, didn't I just say shut up?"

"I'm not lis—"

The British teen was silenced when lips crushed against his own. Calloused fingers tangled in his hair and help him tightly as the dark-haired teen deepened the kiss.

"_Baka Moyashi_."

"_Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" – Rose Kennedy_

"Kanda."

He was ignored.

"_Kanda_."

Again, ignored. He huffed – stubborn ass.

"Kanda."

Irritating prick. Just because he'd made a mistake during the assignment and needed the swordsman's assistance; it wasn't his fault the building was unstable!

"_Yuu_!"

"Call me that again and I'll cut out your tongue, Moyashi." Kanda snapped instantly, shedding himself of his exorcist coat before he sat on the old hotel bed. It was a hard and uncomfortable mattress that showed it was worn. Just like the rest of the hotels they stayed in – just like the rest of that godforsaken town and all Kanda wanted was to fucking leave.

"I think I should be allowed to call you Yuu." Allen puffed out his cheeks, pouting.

"How do you figure?"

"We have sex on a regular basis, Kanda."

"_Che, and_?"

The snowy-haired exorcist scowled and lay down on the other's bed on his stomach. "I won't say it in front of anyone else." He tried to compromise.

"No."

"You wouldn't have to call me Allen."

"No." Kanda glare down at the other, frowning as he always was.

"But _Yuu_."

"Shut up."

"I'm going to say it anyway _Yuu_." The parasite-type exorcist stuck his tongue out at the swordsman in defiance. "And you can't stop me."

"_Che_, bastard, you just love to piss me off, don't you?"

"Of course I love to piss _Yuu_ off." A grin spread across Allen's lips.

Kanda narrowed his eyes and glare at the other with contempt, a grimace planted on his lips. "Smart ass."

_How did it get to this point_?

They didn't really care for the _how_ and _why_.

_Why was it still happening_?

They cared too much to stop it. There was still annoyance, there always would be. Maybe there was hatred once – and maybe others thought there still was. Hatred was gone and they'd finally worked up enough to admit that – though they'd never say the pure truth out loud.

_How did this happen_?

It's a story too long and winding to tell – but I'll try my best. It has a lot to do with pride and it won't be easy to deal with. Along the way you might get irritated or sad – don't be, you'll just give yourself wrinkles. Just accept it as it comes along.

I'll just warn you know this story has a lot of _Stages_ and I wouldn't want you to get sick of it.

"_Sometimes there are no words. No clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day… Sometimes the day… just… ends…" – Aaron Hotchner_


	21. STOP

**[A/N: Okay. You know what.**

**I have been told multiple times to put a warning on this for infidelity and that people hate Kanda and Lavi for what happened.**

**Here's my opinion.**

**No, there will be no warning. I'm not going to, it's not happening.**

**I'm sorry if someone cheated on you and it makes you upset but you know what, I'm sorry, it's not my problem.**

**I know that makes me sound terrible but I have a reason.**

**Kanda did not cheat on Allen.**

**There was no cheating.**

**There were not actually together.**

**Kanda is [physically] legal and consenting he can do whatever he wants to whoever he wants at the point in the story where he has ****_ consensual _****sex with Lavi- who is also legal and can do whatever he wants.**

**I understand if you're upset that Kanda did it because of what it did to Allen- but he was still ****_not cheating_****.**

**You cannot go up to someone you are having aromantic sex with and accuse them of cheating for sleeping with someone else. That is not how it works, you will make an ass out of yourself.**

**I know I made Kanda and Allen have romantic feelings for one another throughout this entire story but that doesn't mean they were together up until a certain point. Just because two people have feelings for one another doesn't mean they are actually in a relationship.**

**You can fuck and love one another and not be in a relationship, I'm sorry, it's true. And if you are not in a relationship you are allowed to screw whoever you want. Hell, if you're in a relationship and you still want to screw someone obviously there's a problem with your relationship and it needs to be fixed or ended.**

**Kanda and Allen do not have a nice relationship when they are together. They are not loving and they are allowed to do what they want.**

**I know it seems like I'm too upset over this but it's happened too many times and it's irritating. I've got PMs and reviews over this and it's just really grating on my nerves.**

**Hating Kanda and Lavi for having sex is okay if you have a legitimate reason.**

**"KANDA IS CHEATING" is not a reason because he's "NOT IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE."**

**He had an aromantic sexual encounter with Lavi while having another aromantic sexual relationship with Allen.**

**If you want me to put this in any other blunt way then here:**

**Kanda and Allen were fuck buddies. Unless otherwise stated you are not under any obligation to abstain from promiscuity when you are in a "fuck buddy" relationship.**

_**TL;DR Kanda can fuck who he wants get over it and stop messaging me about it.**_

**`Vincent**


End file.
